I Can See Why People a Lot of Times Don't Figure Out Guardians for Their Kids...It's Really Hard

Note: This post was written as a contribution to PAIL's February Monthly Theme Post. Click here to view the entire list of participants.

Planning ahead...ah, isn't this what adulthood is all about? I've just recently started doing a lot of this planning-for-the-future type stuff, and also--perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not--have just recently begun feeling like an adult. Confession, though: Left to my own devices, things would not be as buttoned up as they are. I have my organized and responsible husband (and also parents) to thank for that.

Family Planning

We've got two babies, and want one more. (We think.) We're in the process of buying a house that will accomodate that plan. And have money saved for either a new car for my husband, if we end up with just two kids, or a minivan for me (gulp), and my husband gets my Jeep, if we have three.

We also have a plan for our IVF embryos, if there are any left over, and that is embryo adoption.

Financial Planning

Wills. Check.

Life insurance. Check.

Retirement savings. Check.

College savings. Check.

What to Do With the Kids if the Worst Happens

That's easy...my brother will raise them. 

What happens if my brother is not around either?

Well, that's a lot tougher.

How in the world do you make that decision?

We (my husband and I) talked and talked and talked about it and nothing felt right...everyone we were talking about "nominating" either lived too far away (we want the kids to be near their grandparents) or we felt was too involved in their career/not family oriented enough, or it seemed that it was too much to ask, aka they didn't feel like close enough friends. 

My husband's best friend, who is single but has raised a son, all things considered seemed like the best bet. He's a nice person and is very smart, would be willing to move to our town so the kids could be geographically close to their grandparents, has similar morals to us, goes hiking and snowboarding so the kids could still be exposed to those things which is important to me...he is where we were landing, but something didn't feel quite right. Talking about it with my husband one evening,  I burst into tears.

"If we do it this way, the kids won't have a mother," I sobbed.

"The kids aren't going to have a mother any way we do this," my husband said. Which made me cry even harder because it's true.

In the end, we did set it up with my husband's best friend. It's hard for me to think about and I get scared thinking did I make the right choice for my children? But I have to remind myself that the chances of my husband and I dying AND my brother dying are so incredibly small, it's not like this is a likely scenario. I think it's just a hard decision. I think we made the right choice, but still. Hard.

Please oh please oh please, don't let my children have to grow up without a mother. (This is the little prayer I say as I try to let the whole thing go.)

XOXO