Today...

Today I am sad, every day now it's just this ache...I want my baby.
Then sometimes the grief washes over me and I cry and cry and it's almost unbearable.
And then I'm just sad again.
Physically, I've lost 1/3 of my blood volume and I am so weak.
I feel like I got hit by a truck.
I'm OK in the morning but just so exhausted as the day wears on.
My husband is all about making me better physically...bring on the iron-rich foods, he says.
I'm also having a really hard time sleeping...need to take care of that.
Luke and Zo are a joy to be around, but I'm afraid I don't have the physical or emotional energy to give them all they need right now.
The thing I keep thinking is I'm not a mother anymore, which is silly because of course I am a mother.
But I feel like an imposter.
I'm doing the best I can.
I'm so sad...