Grace in Small Things, April 10, 2014
Hi Everyone!
Gosh, I feel like lately I'm either posting like crazy to try and catch up or not posting at all. A million excuses for neglecting this space...the regular overwork, not sleeping well, dealing in weird ways with my dog's death (which has brought a lot of other stuff to the surface), etc. etc. But mostly I think it's my kids are changing their sleep schedule, often up at the crack of dawn and so some time I used to have to myself in the morning has evaporated. On the plus side, I get more time with my kids. :) Naps are also getting shorter and shorter, some days pretty much nonexistent.
And also, something I always struggle with here...I want to be honest in this space...like right now, I am tired all the time, my "TO DO" list is way longer than what can realistically get accomplished, I'm feeling burnt out at work, my dog dying sucked, what happened with our daughter dying still hurts in a way I can't even begin to describe, I think about it every day...what happened with my brother dying too, for that matter, and the anniversary of that is coming up at the end of the month. But...I just don't want to talk about all that stuff because it's better for me if I just put it to the side and say, "look at all the good, Luke and Zo and my husband and my family and we have work and a beautiful home, I like where we live, and I only work part time and get to spend so much time with the kids, etc., etc." I really admire people who can write honestly about hardship and pain, and I don't want to make it seem like everything is sunshine and roses over here, but I have to focus on the positive to keep going.
Anyway, a long prologue to some notes about what is lovely in my life right now:
1) It felt like summer here today. I went to the zoo with the kids this morning. I wore a T-shirt and shorts...no sweatshirt over the top for what felt like the first time in forever. We had all the windows wide open all day. Ahhhhhhh...
2) We have this 2-story wall in our living room and we're essentially making it into a giant peice of art. Textured tiles are going up and it's been such a challenge for everyone involved to figure out how to make them stay, but it looks like they've found a solution. And the wall is going to look SO COOL. The stuff we're doing to our living room/dining room, I just love it. It's making the house feel cool and artsy and ours.
3) I ordered some bikinis online from Roxy the other day...where I used to get all my swimsuits back when I lived in California and went surfing every day. With IVFs and pregnancies it's been years--years--since I could wear a bikini. I've worked really hard (CrossFit and Paleo) to get my body back to normal and I'm almost there and that's really gratifying. Also, I am SO EXCITED about summer. My goal is to get up every morning and put on a swimsuit under my clothes, because I'll be getting in the pool every single day.
4) We got the best new book at the library the other day, it's called Duck, Duck Moose and the kids can't get enough of it. It's been a while since we got a really good new book. It's so silly and fun, with a moose that's just a tornado wrecking everything in his path, and the ducks who live with him loving him anyway. The kids always do "Moose Face!" before we read it, which is making a funny face with your hands put up like moose antlers on the top of your head.
5) The kids have been wanting "Rainbow Connection" (Luke: "Mommy, sing Rainbow con-nection please?") as their bedtime song almost every night lately. (I love this Willie Nelson rendition). Reminds me of my childhood. Makes me happy.
And speaking of happy, my daughter says, "Sissy happy!" almost every day, and Luke generally chimes in with, "Luke's happy too!" And I say--when it's true and it almost always is--"Awwww, you guys, that's great. Mommy's happy too."
How can you not be with those little sweethearts to hang out with, you know?
XOXO
