Fertility Update

There’ve been little bits of things to do here and there over the past few months, but thing are about to ramp up for our IVF attempt in January. Here's our history, and here’s the latest:

• My period should come in ~2 weeks, after which we’ll get a solid calendar
• We had appointments in Denver last week to update things that were expiring (baseline ultrasound, communicable disease blood work). Frustrating and EXPENSIVE to have to do that, but the rules are the rules. My husband also put away another frozen sample
• I've got a couple of what look like fibroids in my uterus, but Dr. Gus as my husband calls him says not to worry about it
• We’re going to be traveling in Europe with syringes and needles and meds; that should be interesting
• I’m feeling a bit scared and detached. I actually did not like going to the clinic last week at all. Really, not one good bit of news came out of that place in 2010; in a way it’s a little traumatizing to go back. Even when I had positive betas (pregnancy tests) they were like, “well, it’s positive, but the numbers are low (and/or aren’t increasing the way we’d like).” Even last cycle when we seemed to get a lot more eggs than before that was followed by a fertilization report of “sorry, all but 2 died.” Our clinic (CCRM in Denver) is one of the best in the nation if not the world and I’m really grateful to be able to go there, but I really hate physically going there, if that makes any sense. It’s hard for me to truly feel like anything positive can come out of that place after months and months and months of disappointment. This cycle is our absolute last. I’m scared to get my hopes up again. The past few months have been amazing, taking a break for the most part from thinking about how much I want a child and how nothing we’re doing’s working. The disappointment of it not working is so painful, I can’t imagine willingly putting myself through that again.

Except this time it might work…