Ugh…None of My Clothes Fit! (And the Limbo of Going Through Multiple Rounds of Fertility Treatments)
Advice from this January's issue of Vogue.
So I was reading Vogue on the plane last week (I own almost nothing designer, but dream about having a closet full of those clothes), and January Vogue says new clothes are coming, it’s time to clean out your closet and get ready for them. And I so want to do just that (I love buying clothes…it’s my weakness), but it’s impossible in the middle of fertility treatments. Does anyone else have this issue?
First, the IVF cycles I went through last year led to weight gain. It’s only five pounds (OK, seven), but enough that some of my clothes are tight in the hips, and if I planned on staying this size, I would get rid of them, buy something new. But I don’t plan on staying this size. But I can’t lose the weight at the moment, because I’m in the middle of another IVF cycle.
Second, IVF hormones/prescribed herbal supplements (of which I took a ton) have made my boobs huge. I went from a B cup to a DD cup last year, and I have no idea how long that’s going to stick around (so far the DD is here to stay). My husband loves it, and I guess I don’t mind (although I was never one of those women who lusted after bigger boobs), except that it makes it so a lot of my tops and dresses (not to mention all my pretty bras) no longer fit, which is annoying. But I can’t get rid of all that stuff, because I don’t know what my body’s going to do in the end. I don’t want to buy new stuff for the same reason (although I had to buy new bras, there was no way of getting around that).
Third, hopefully, hopefully this current IVF cycle will work and by next month I’ll be pregnant! Yay! Which means soon nothing’s going to fit (which would be unbelieveably wonderful…I’m one of those women who have always wanted to be pregnant, I do not dread the changes to my body in the slightest). But even if I’m not pregnant with this cycle, I’m probably still going to be in that limbo place where there are more procedures coming…
Bottom line: Very few things in my closet fit. And I don’t know what the future holds as far as pregnancy/further IVF treatments/getting to the end of the line where it becomes clear I’ll never be pregnant and then working out like crazy to get my body back to where it was before all of this madness started.
What to do? I guess I should box up everything that doesn’t currently fit, reevaluate those clothes when my body is back to normal (whatever normal turns out to be). I have enough that works to get by. Maybe buy a few things in my current size if it looks like I’ve got more fertility treatments ahead of me. Pray that soon I’ll be buying maternity clothes, and this limbo will be over.
It’s the limbo I’m hating right now--the clothes are just a place to focus my frustration and anger and fear, emotions I’m trying to suppress, but today are apparently bubbling to the top. Please, God, either get me pregnant, or let me know this isn’t going to happen so I can get my body and life back and get off this horrible fertility merry-go-round. I’m tired of being in limbo.
