IVF and Anxiety
The woodpile outside my brother's back door. One of the pleasures of staying with him is a warm fire when it's snowing outside.
Lots of anxiety this IVF cycle, not sure why. Having trouble sleeping because of it. My nurse today, bless her, had me make a list of things I'm worried about:
- This broad general fear that I'm going to do something wrong by mistake, and ruin this cycle
- That my husband will not be able to travel to be here on retreival day (we won't be able to get him a last-minute ticket, the airport will be shut down by the weather, etc.)
- That the weather will get so bad I can't drive to the clinic
- That I won't get the call from the clinic that it's time to trigger because my phone's not working (which is ridiculous, because my phone always works)
- That the trigger shot will be bad and there won't be any eggs
- That if we get eggs they won't fertilize
- That if they fertilize they won't grow
- That if this cycle doesn't work, we're not quite at the end of the line as far as having a baby, but we're getting pretty darn close
Here's what my nurse said, and I've been feeling better ever since:
- Take each of the things you're worried about, and think about how realistic it is for the thing to happen, and also, if it does happen, what's the worst case scenario. For example: my husband not being able to travel: we have back-up "donations," so if that did happen it's not game over. And the trigger shot being bad--the chances of that happening are almost zero
- Focus on today only...don't let your thoughts spiral into the future
- Do everything you can regarding the things you do have control over (taking meds on time, getting my husband a plane ticket once I know which day he needs to be here), and try to let go of the things you don't have control over (the weather, my phone randomly stopping working on the day the clinic calls telling me it's time to trigger)
- Be good to yourself. My nurse told me to shopping and go out to lunch and so that's what I did: a candle that smells like angel food cake, notecards with dogs in winter gear on the fronts, a cookbook holder made of crossed silver spoons, and a cute hat with little ribbons on it on sale at Anthropologie, and Vietnamese food for lunch (one of my favorites)
It's afternoon now and I'm back at my brother's, trying to put in some semblance of a work day (I telecommute and work seems pretty slow this week, which is a blessing). Waiting again for a phone call from my clinic letting me know if tonight is trigger shot night or not. Feeling less anxious and also very sleepy...hopefully tonight I'll be able to get a good night's sleep.
Triggering tonight! :)
