CCRM: Freezypants Is a Go!

Hi Everyone! Happy Friday! Hope you (US readers) all had a marvelous Thanksgiving. :)

Today I wanted to talk about our visit this week to the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM), and our thoughts on having a third child.

We've got a few embryos in the freezer, and ever since the twins were born 8 months ago, I've wanted another child, who, thanks to currently being a frozen embryo, my husband has dubbed "Freezypants," or "Freezy" for short. And if we're going to have a third child, we want to do it soon, mostly because of my age...everyone has their own number as far as what is "too old" for kids...mine will be here in less than 2 years, so if we're going to do this, we need to get on it. And we definitely just want one, not twins again, which (hopefully) can be accomplished by transferring just one embryo at a time.

Funny though, with the appointment looming, I started having second thoughts. (My husband has essentially said he's fine with two kids, but is behind me if I want to have three, so the decision is really up to me.) Namely:

1. Am I insane? I'm barely holding it together with two kids, how in the world is three going to work? Plus my husband is about to start a new job, and we might be moving...there's already a lot going on...
2. We know we can handle two, three is such an unknown...
3. Maybe I am ALREADY too old to do this again?
4. My body tolerated a twin pregnancy well (in terms of not having any lingering deleterious effects) and is almost back to normal...will I be so lucky the next time around? (This fear includes the fear that a C-section will be needed next pregnancy)
5. My mother-in-law is going to be helping when I work (part-time, from home)...will she be OK with three kids, or will we have to hire additional help?
6. My husband says I'll have to drive a minivan if we have three kids...I just don't see myself as a minivan kind of person
7. Can we afford three kids? I mean, we can, but will there be any money left over for fun stuff?
8. I was so sick with my pregnancy last time...can I stand to go through that again? Especially with two toddlers?
9. Will we be exhausted ALL THE TIME if we have three kids?
10. Do I really want to go through infertility treatments again? All the drugs, all the time (our clinic is not where we live, which makes even an FET complicated), all the getting our hopes up when this may or may not work...ugh...

Essentially, it all boils down to: will we be stretching ourselves too thin? And is that fair to us and the kids we already have?

And yet, I couldn't bring myself to cancel the appointment. And it didn't make sense to do it (go back to CCRM) if we weren't pretty sure about three, because it was expensive and I had to have a hysteroscopy, which in the past I have found to be excruciatingly painful. 

Anyway, we went. About 5 hours, lots of procedures, LOTS of paperwork and the bottom line is everything looks great and if we want to try, we can.

And now, I'm feeling better about three. (Especially after a couple of good nights of sleep...things are changing with the up-all-night bit the twins have been pulling, but that's another post.)

With us thinking we want to do a transfer in March, the next step is weaning, which I have been really, really, really sad about. If we do March, the twins need to be weaned by mid-December. All the trouble I've had with breastfeeding, I'm surprised how sad I am starting to wean the kids. But interestingly, they are making it easier, as at many feedings neither one is interested in nursing. But those feedings where they settle in and we have that time together...it's so precious...so hard to think of stopping that before we are all ready. But I will have breastfed for nine months, and I'm glad I've been able to for so long. And the twins have never breastfed exclusively, they've always had formula supplement, so that makes the whole weaning thing a little easier too, I think.

Three kids vs. two. I don't know...if you list the pros and cons, there are a lot more things in the cons column (see above.) But I love our kids (the ones we have now) SO MUCH, I think my husband and I are doing a great job, they are so fun and why not have one more, how can one more not add to the joy and fun, laughter and happiness we have? So I guess we (meaning me) are not 100% decided yet, but we're (I'm) pretty sure Freezypants is a go. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Thanks so much for spending some time here this week.

XOXO