First Week Back at Work After Maternity Leave (Including Some Thoughts on Attachment Parenting and the Mortgage Crisis)

Hi Everyone!

So last week was my first week back at work after three months of maternity leave, and, all in all, it wasn't that bad. I've been freelancing (advertising copywriting/creative direction, mostly in the digital arena) for 10 years now, and although I used to travel quite a bit for work, I can do what I'm doing from home. The goal moving forward is for me to work part time, so I still have lots of time with the kids. 

Eventually, my mother-in-law is going to help us with the kids while I work (she'll move where we move), but right now I'm patching things together with help from my husband (although he's with the kids all night, so I need to let him sleep some during the day), my mom (thanks, Mom!) and having the babies with me. Some thoughts on how things are going:

• The Sunday before I went back I didn't sleep, as I was so nervous about not being with the kids 24/7, but like with most everything, my fears were unfounded
• I feel like I'm working all day, as I try to squeeze little bits of work in when the kids are napping or happily hanging out
• The big challenge is conference calls, especially those where I need to be taking a lot of notes or when I am leading the call. My full attention must be on the call in these instances, so I need to have backup for the kids
• Some conference calls I do are more listening calls, and those seem doable with a kid on my lap or nursing
• Writing, especially things that take a lot of thinking but not many words, also seems doable with a kid on my lap
• The way I work...a lot of times I read things out loud to see if I need to make adjustments, and when that happens I'll read to the kids like it's a story, even though it's some sort of corporate messaging 
• I am soooooooo glad I get to work from home...so incredibly thankful. At the same time, I so wish I could just be with the kids, but me working part time makes so much financial sense...hard to let it go. We're going to make it work. It's going to be just fine 

And in related news, of course I end up reading Dr. Sears' book about attachment parenting just as I'm returning to work. (I read whatever baby books are given to me, so my reading list is very random vs things I've sought out.)

I have to say, the whole attachment parenting thing is really resonating with me. It is also hugely guilt inducing for someone with twins. Attachment parenting in a nutshell as far as I can tell means having your baby with you 24/7 (when not directly interacting wearing in a sling or sleeping with your baby)...even taking work out of the equation, that's absolutely impossible with twins. And when you add work in...as much as I'm trying to have one or the other twin on my lap...I can't live up to the ideal, no way.

Also related...we had a realtor stop by today to talk about the possibility of selling our house (still haven't completely given up hope of staying in the area, but there just aren't that many jobs here for my husband, and it's an important piece of the puzzle to have him working).

Anyway, we bought in 2007 at the top of the market, and five years later all the money we have into the house is gone. And honestly, I knew the mortgage crisis was going on around me, and friends have been affected, but I guess I've been in denial about this up until now. We can't sell our house without a huge loss, which makes no sense. So we'll keep it and rent it. Which means we probably can't buy another one, which makes me sad, although in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal...everyone I care about is healthy and happy and that's all that matters. But I also feel like...I've worked really hard, gone to school, paid my bills, saved money, pretty much done everything right and what do I have to show for it? A house where our BIG down payment has just *poof* disappeared...I mean, maybe I would have been better off not working so hard. And/or blowing all that money on, I don't know, traveling around the world or something. The American Dream right now is just kind of feeling like a big fat lie.

Anyway, in sum:

• Work: Not so bad
• Attachment parenting: Like it in theory, but how the heck are you supposed to make it work with twins and a part-time stay-at-home job?
• The fact that our house is worth a ridiculously low number: Sucks and makes me not want to try, especially since I'm already ambivalent about going back to work. Why work if all you earn just disappears?

Thoughts?

XOXO