Is it OK to Be an Older Mom?

I’m going to be an older mom. Not really by choice; I tried to have kids back in the 90s, and have been trying hard again for years. But it is what it is at this point, and I really need to find some acceptance with it. I think I’m also having a hard time living in a small town, where everyone seems to have their babies in high school or just out. In a place like San Francisco or New York, I’m sure I wouldn’t feel like such an oddity.

There are definitely advantages to being older, I know: more stable emotionally and financially, and I’ve done pretty much everything I wanted to do as a young adult, so there will be no regrets along the lines of “if only we didn’t have kids, we could be doing A, B, C and D.”

Still, the age thing is something I struggle with. Is it fair to the kid? Am I going to have the energy? Am I going to be able to make the necessary adjustments, having had so many years to get set in my ways?

My parents last week both inadvertently said things related to this that made me feel better.

My mom mentioned that when (if) I have the baby that’ll come out of the January IVF cycle, she’ll be the age her mother was when she had Luke, my youngest brother. Now granted, my mom was her mom’s last child, and Luke was my mom’s last child, but still, when my mom’s helping me she’ll be the same age as when her mom was helping her.

And then I was hiking with my dad and he was talking about how the life span is 20 years longer now than it was in his grandparents age, and why is it that we’re still pushing kids through college right after high school and then to get married and work and start a family? Why are all those extra years being tacked onto retirement? Why aren’t we altering things so they can be enjoyed earlier in life?

Now, I am well aware of the biological reasons to have kids in your 20s or 30s, and the earlier the better. But circumstances worked out so that that wasn’t possible for me. Instead, I got a whole lot of extra years to be young and have fun before starting a family.

“Well, seeing as if all goes well I’ll have my first baby next fall, I’m doing my part to put some of those years up-front,” I told my dad, laughing. Maybe I need to step back and truly appreciate that. How lucky to have some of those years up front when you’re young.

It’s OK to not be a young mom. I’ve just got to get my head around it. The things my mom and dad said, they’re helping me do that.