IVF Interviews (cont.): Fran
I found Fran’s blog on the Stirrup Queens Blogroll, which is a great resource with thousands of blogs listed and can be accessed right HERE.
The name of Fran’s blog (her blog is accessible HERE) really spoke to me:
Everyone Else But Me
On her blog she writes:
“And this is how I felt. Everyone else but me seemed to be getting pregnant just by saying the word…till it was my turn, too.”
I love love love the hopefulness of that last phrase. Someday, some way, I want it to be my turn, too.
Fran’s son Oliver is 6 weeks now, and how cute is he?
Thanks so much, Fran, for contributing your thoughts and experiences to this project. :)
1. Hi Fran! Briefly, give us an idea of what you went through with your fertility issues. (How many years you tried to get pregnant, the sorts of procedures you underwent, etc.)
We started trying in November 2006, so 4 years of struggles! In total we had 6 transfers, 3 from fresh IVF/ICSI and 3 frozen. We also tried one IUI (hopeless to start with). As for investigations, I had a lap&dye with D&C in December 2007, SIS in May 2008 and a hysteroscopy in March 2010. And then, as when bad luck strikes it seems to happen in waves, while I got pregnant 3 times with IVF, the first 2 the embryo had implanted first in my left tube and then in my right one so I underwent surgery in both cases and lost both tubes. Thankfully the last time it worked out just fine!
2. How did you pick your clinic?
I researched those in the Dublin area thoroughly. The clinic I picked was the only one that had published statistics on their website, clear price list and CVs of the doctors and nurses woking there. It also happened to be the nearest to our home and just on the way to work! I liked their hands-on attitude, aggressive protocols which aimed at giving you the best chances of getting pregnant in the shortest amount of time.
3. How did you stay sane through the process?
My real way of copying was to have a back-up plan. Both Mike and I are scientists so a “failed” experiment doesn’t mean you give up trying, but you have to have a small change the next time around to see if the outcome will be different. So that meant for me to interact extremely closely with my doctors, see what we could do to avoid another ectopic (that meant a lower transfer in the uterus of my first two FETs), when it became obvious that by transferring the embryos in a lower part of the womb meant inevitably a BFN I started asking for more investigations. It was great I had fantastic doctors who didn’t mind me being so suggestive and worked with me so that I was happy with what was being done. As an alternative route to a family we also started the adoption paperworks knowing it would be years in Ireland before we got any closer to a child being ours. Still it gave me peace of mind we were going to have a child one day.
Of course I also had relaxation CDs, acupuncture, reiki etc...but the major difference was brought into our lives when we adopted the kittens. I am a true believer in pet therapy! Blogging and on-line forums were a massive help too. Being able to express my feelings and get such a positive feedback was amazing. Still is amazing.
4. What did you do as far as being good to yourself?
I certainly treated myself more often than not with chocolate or any type of comfort food I like. After a few attempts I knew that all the “don’ts and dos” were a bit of fairytale!
5. Was it hard on your marriage? How did you keep your marriage intact/strong?
Thankfully it wasn’t that hard. In fact it made our relationship stronger. Mike was always very supportive, of course we had very different ways of “living” a cycle. He was always mostly concerned that I had to be well (he was terrified of OHSS!) and I sometimes felt he wasn’t participating much...but I suppose after so many attempts the novelty wears off! We talked a lot of course, or mainly I talked and he listened! He was always very optimistic while I was much more realistic leaning towards pessimism but I had to protect myself.
6. Ugh...the two week wait. How did you deal? Did you use home pregnancy tests?
I used a relaxation CD which is specific for IVF treatments and has dedicated sessions for each stage of the process. To be honest with you as I got pregnant 3 times with 6 transfer and I always used the CD, I’m not that convinced it made a difference at all, but it became part of the routine, so I kept doing it just in case it did in fact make a difference! As for testing, sometime I tested early sometimes I didn’t. Oddly, any time I tested early it was always a BFN!
7. Having been through it, what would you do differently?
Certainly I’d have the hysteroscopy done as a first thing. My lap&dye was totally useless and that was recommended by a gynaecologist before I went under the care of my fertility clinic. They would have done a hysteroscopy as a routine but given that I had the lap&die we all assumed all was well. In fact I had scar tissue in my uterus which nobody was aware off. I am convinced that my ectopic pregnancies were partially due to the “hostile” environment in my uterus!
8. What was it like for you to have a cycle that didn't work out?
The disappointment is shocking. I never bled before the test day which was my worst fear. Still the sight of the snow-white test was always heartbreaking. Apart from my last cycle, I always had a feeling whether I was pregnant or not. On my first cycle I got pregnant. The joy was ridiculously high and then is was ectopic. This took away forever the joy of a positive pregnancy test (I had two more, including my last one) and surely when it happened again it was pure devastation. Everyone has a different way of coping with a failed cycle. Mine was that of analysing data and see what could be done differently the next time.
9. How has this process changed you?
It certainly has changed me. Probably not in a better way though. I think I’m much more aware that things can go wrong no matter how hard you try. Even when I was pregnant I never really enjoyed it. It made me also realise that a 98% stat means nothing at all when you fall in the 2% of it. Twice.
10. Has there been anything positive associated with this experience (besides the obvious)?
The realisation that my husband is THE ONE. You never know how a relationship deals with hurdles and this is a huge one of course. I never doubted that Mike was going to be there for me, but seeing this happening even above expectations was so so soothing.
11. What would you tell someone currently in the middle of it?
My advice would be to be part of what is happening. Even if you are not a scientist you can learn what your treatments are about. Knowledge is power. Not necessarily will make a difference on the outcome of course but feeling confident that your treatment was the best for you at that time was for me very important. Interact with your doctors, don’t be afraid to ask questions, read as much as possible and suggest alternatives if you have any.
12. Anything else? Last words?
If having a child is what you really really want, one way or another you are going to succeed. Be open minded, paths that may not seem ideal right now can appear to you in a different light in the future.
