Miscarriage: When Do You Start Feeling Better?

After the miscarriage, I stopped working on the baby sweater I'd been knitting and made this beach-y cotton cowl for myself. Love how it turned out, and it actually stayed cool enough to wear it a few times. :)

As of this past week, a month has gone by since we lost our tiny unborn baby. I was just days from being out of the first trimester when we found out...just about "safe" and so excited to tell everyone.

And it's funny, and surprising to me, there's not really a lingering sadness. The first couple weeks after it happened were awful, but since then...I don't know...it's just kind of gotten lumped into the ongoing drama of us trying to have a baby, which hurts, but I've been living with that particular hurt for so long I barely even notice it anymore. It feels funny to say this, and maybe I'm wrong, but it (the miscarriage) doesn't stand out as a part of this process that will continue to be hard down the road. Honestly, the two chemical pregnancies I had last year hurt just as much...but with those, there was really very minimal support...everyone, including my husband, didn't understand at all why I was so upset. So I kind of had to hide and be alone with my feelings there, which was hard. With the miscarriage, everyone around me was as upset as I was and was very supportive...I think maybe that's been why it hasn't been that hard to move forward...I grieved heavily and everyone around me was loving and helpful, and now I'm ready to look forward and move onto the next thing.

The other thing I think is interesting here and plays a role is: for months with the pregnancy I felt just terrible, and incredibly restricted. I had morning sickness pretty bad 24/7, and not being able to exercise is a big lifestyle change for me that's hard to deal with. And of course I am so, so happy to go through that again to be pregnant and have a baby, I don't mind AT ALL, but to go through months of that and wind up with nothing? Awful. And then to suddenly feel great physically after months of barely being able to drag myself out of bed, AND be allowed to go to yoga and on hard hikes and to take a hot bath and have a glass of wine if I want, etc...it's kind of been a relief to go back to my normal state for a short time (although please God let me be pregnant again in July and be totally restricted and sick all over again.)

Anyway, I just wanted to write little post about my experience with the miscarriage...that, while beyond awful at the time and for a few weeks after, I don't think it's going to be a long and lingering sadness. I'm sure having a plan to move forward and having embryos in the freezer helps with that too.

Others out there who have had this happen: did you feel the same way? Or was it harder for longer? I'm kind of surprised that it hasn't been worse for me.

Hope everyone is having a super-fun weekend!

XO