Some Thoughts on Maternity Leave, and Going Back to Work

Hi Everyone! Happy Tuesday!

I have two weeks left of a three-month maternity leave, and I have to say I am so incredibly glad I have had this time. Would love to take more--actually would love more than anything to be a stay-at-home mom--but my husband and I have decided that it makes financial sense for me to work at least a little. And I am so, so lucky, in that I am going to be working part time, not full time, and from home, which cuts out the time that would otherwise be needed away from the kids to get dressed for work, commute, etc.

I have really needed these three months to 1) recover physically from the birth (it was only a week or so ago that I finally stopped bleeding), and 2) figure out how to function with these little guys.

Some things that have gotten ironed out include:

• Getting over the terrible anxiety I had during the first weeks. I still have it a little, but it's about 90% gone, maybe because of hormonal shifts, maybe because the babies are still around and alive (none of the horrible things I was thinking have come true), maybe because I've figured out some tricks to get those thoughts out of my head
• Breastfeeding. I've never had enough milk for my babies, and breastfeeding was extremely painful in the beginning. I went from trying to breastfeed exclusively (only lasted a couple days), to breastfeeding-formula feeding-pumping (the breastfeeding part was painful and the whole routine so time consuming), to pumping 8 times/day and bottle feeding, which worked pretty well, but about a month ago I started getting so sick of the pump. So with the help of the lactation nurses I have started breastfeeding again. Now I pump once or twice a day and breastfeed the rest of the time (still supplementing with bottles of formula as needed). The pain I had with breastfeeding is gone...I think from my nipples toughening up and also me and the babies learning better what to do. I've even managed to tandem breastfeed a couple of times, although that is not the norm. And, I actually think my milk supply is increasing. I have a cousin who also had a hard time breastfeeding, and she said her milk supply increased dramatically around 3 months...hoping that's what's happening to me. I still have some sadness about how breastfeeding's turned out, but I'm doing the best I can...
• Sleep. At first we were up 24/7 with these little guys, as they were not getting enough to eat and cried constantly (just lasted a couple of days). Then both my husband and I got up for every single meal, and were absolutely exhausted (and short-tempered to boot...we barely ever fight and there were some testy days and weeks in there...). Now we've settled into a routine where he takes the night shift and I the morning shift, and that is working great
• Normal life. The first month or so we didn't take the twins anywhere, and after that at first everything--going for a walk in the stroller, taking them to my parent's house, going grocery shopping, etc--was intimidating. Now that we've done them and know how it works, these sorts of things and more are routine
• Chores (eg going to the bank, washing the dogs, taking care of paperwork, laundry, etc). At first, nothing got done. Now we have tasks for each weekday (weekends off), so things get accomplished, and also we don't feel overwhelmed by all there is to do...we just do what we need to for that day, which is manageable
• Meals. At first, friends and neighbors brought us meals, which was so incredibly helpful. Then, we had a hard time because we couldn't get our act together to go to the store (enter lots of fast food, which I normally don't eat). Now, we shop with the kids every Monday, make a menu and are eating really heathly (meats on the BBQ, lots of veggies, no desserts). My husband does most of the cooking (he's so great at it, and loves doing it), with me helping with prep and side dishes...

So, what do things look like moving forward?

I'm a little scared about going back to work, because I already feel like there aren't enough hours in the day (time to blog, for instance, is hard to come by). But because my husband is job hunting, he's going to be able to take care of the kids while I work, which will make for a nice transition. (And once he goes back to work, my mother-in-law is going to move with us to help...such a Godsend.) I'm hoping I can still nurse on demand some, as my schedule will be flexible except for conference calls. And I would love it if I could have one of the kids with me...maybe in a wrap while I type up documents or talk on the phone...or maybe laying in my lap dozing, as both kids are doing right now.

It's going to be interesting to see how it all works out. And who knows, I might enjoy the intellectual challenge of working again, and I think it's going to be nice to have some more contact with the outside world. 

Trying not to focus on how sad I am that I won't be around the kids all day, and instead look at ways I can incorporate them into my workday, and remember to be so, so grateful to be working an abbreviated schedule at home.

XOXO