Pregnancy: Week 6

Happy Monday, Everyone!

I'm 7 weeks pregnant today! Yay! Here's what's been happening over the past week:

• Morning sickness is not my friend. It's way worse than last week. About the same as last time I was pregnant, which wasn't pretty. Not puking, but on the verge and dealing with serious nausea 24/7. Sucks. The only day I didn't feel terrible was Saturday, and then I was worried something was wrong with the babies because I was feeling better, lol. Just no way to win here
• We found out last week we are having twins, and I'm still reeling a bit from the news. Worried about how we'll handle it physically, emotionally, financially. I'm also worried about the babies, but everything I've been reading indicates that a twin pregnancy can be a very healthy pregnancy, so trying to stay focused on that fact. On the positive side, I'm feeling like twins are going to be so fun. And also, it's such a huge, huge bonus that we won't have to go through IVF again for a second child. I've done five rounds of IVF and I am really about at my limit. If we were to lose these babies, I'm not sure I could try again. But no need to think about that right now...
• My body is already changing a lot. My boobs are HUGE. My stomach is so round, too...it's already feeling enormous to me vs how my body usually is. So weird
• Napping most days
• I've been spotting all week, very light but it's annoying (and a little scary having it go on for so long). My clinic says it's fine. They also say I can't have sex until it stops. Sigh
• Eating is not fun. Really nothing sounds the least bit appealing. But I feel a little better when I eat. And I can pretty much eat anything if I make myself...doesn't really seem to matter what it is...one food doesn't have an advantage over another. But there is zero pleasure in food right now
• My emotions and thoughts are all over the place, especially late at night when I'm having trouble sleeping. I am so very happy and relieved to be pregnant. But I'm also worried about how my life is going to change. I think you gain so incredibly much with a child, but you have to give up things, too, at least for the short term. I'm scared about how my body is going to change...will I ever be fit again? I'm bummed I have to miss another snowboarding season (I missed last year's being pregnant, and then miscarried at the very end of it), although I guess two babies for two snowboarding seasons is a fair trade. I'm going to need to work part-time after the babies are born, but is that going to be OK for the babies? (This is the first time I've worried that not being a full-time mom might not be a good idea.) Are we going to be OK with all the extra expenses the babies are going to bring? Etc.
• Still worried about miscarriage, although it's more a nagging fear in the background vs something I am totally obsessed with. I hate being in a place where I'm wishing time away, but between being sick and the very real possibility of miscarrying one or both of these babies, I just want the first trimester to be over. I've already gone through a tough first trimester...ready for something new and hopefully a bit more comfortable and a bit less scary... 

Hope everyone has a fabulous week!

XOXO

Pregnancy: Month 2

If you'd like, you can read about Month 1 HERE.

In a way, this month has gone by so fast, and in another, these four weeks have been VERY long. A little summary of what’s been going on:

• Exhaustion, although it seems to be dissipating somewhat. I’m not falling asleep every afternoon anymore, at any rate
• Nausea has kind of taken over my life (although no puking, thank goodness). Pretty much feel sick all day every day. Snacks generally don’t help. Seabands don’t help. Laying down doesn’t really help. I’m thinking popsicles may help…just put a batch of home-made orange-juice ones in the freezer for consumption tomorrow…the store-bought ones have sugar I don’t want but they seem to be the only thing that’s making me feel better these days…
• It’s ridiculous the things I can smell. I made curry two weeks ago and can still smell it when I come into the house
• No big food cravings, but lots of aversions. Chicken. Vegetables (especially raw). Curry (LOL). Etc.
• I’m not fitting into my clothes very well, but not ready for maternity clothes yet, either. It’s an awkward stage…
• Moody and teary. More than normal
• My husband has been the absolute best. Cooking me meals, dealing well with my sickness, trying to make sure we’re all taken care of (e.g., he’s been looking for a car for me that’s more family-friendly than my little 2-door Jeep Wrangler). You always hope your husband will be great when you’re pregnant, but there’s no way of knowing for sure until it happens. Mine has been phenomenal
• Struggling a little with pregnancy…just surprised by how uncomfortable it is and how the changes happening to my body are a little bit hard. I figured for me it would be pure bliss, after trying so hard to get pregnant, but that has not been the case. It’s been harder than I expected (and I never really considered the implications of morning sickness, truth be told). But I will say this: after dealing with infertility for many years--THAT is HARD, in a soul-crushing, what-is-wrong-with-me, will-this-ever-get-straightened-out, I’m-afraid-I’m-not-going-to-be-happy-if-we-can’t-find-a-way-to-make-this-work kind of way. Infertility is unbelievably, incredibly hard. Pregnancy is hard in a totally different, much less intense and much easier way…uncomfortable, but I feel like I’m dealing with things millions of other women deal with. I feel like I’m going through something normal, vs how I felt with infertility which was so totally alone (even though I know that’s not the case), like I was the only one in the world who couldn’t figure this pregnancy thing out

Bottom line: Month 2 has been uncomfortable. But something I’m so glad to bear for the purpose of having a baby. Still feeling incredibly grateful to be in this position. Things have also felt a little unreal, too…except for yesterday’s ultrasound, I’ve been feeling a little detached and not really convinced this is actually happening. I think I’ve still got my guard up, until the first trimester is over…