FAQ Fridays: A Dream About My Brother

So you had a dream about your brother. Which one?

Luke, the one who died.

Have you dreamed about him before?

No. (Well, I've dreamed about him dead, but that doesn't really count.)

And it's funny, a lot of people have had dreams with him in them, and I've always felt bad because it doesn't happen to me.

My BFF had a dream with Luke in it shortly after he died (they were very close) and said to him in the dream, "Why don't you go visit your sister? You should go visit your sister!" And he said, "Nah, she's too sad."

So I've always kind of felt like when I'm not so sad anymore, I'll dream of him. I had no idea it would take more than 6 years to get to that point, though.

What was the dream like?

He was his teenaged self, with crazy bushy hair, not the age he was when he died (27), when he had his hair pretty much buzz-cut.

He was across a busy city street from me (not sure where), and he saw me and his face lit up with a smile and he waved, and I waved back, and then he was gone.

So you didn't get to talk to him?

No. (My husband's first question when I told him about the dream was, "Did you ask him if he likes the boy name we picked?" [If we have a son, we're planning to name him Luke.] He was disappointed that my brother and I didn't get to have that conversation.)

How do you feel about the dream?

Good. Really good. I personally believe those connections in dreams are very real...as real as if we were talking long-distance on the phone. I really hope I dream of him again, and this time we get to have a conversation. But just seeing him....alive isn't the right word here...present, maybe? That was awesome.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Thanks for spending some time here this week. :)

XOXO

Image Credit: secret maison via Paul et Paula.

Dreams of the Dead, and Is a Baby Going to Help This Situation?

I've written a little here about my brother's death, but not much. Mostly because the pain of it is still so close to the surface, even almost six years after the fact. (Kind of an unusual situation: we were living together/spending all our time together when he died.) My guess is I'll be writing a bit more about him over the the next month or so...his death was in April and this time of year that's where my thoughts seem to go.

I've had two dreams about my brother since he died--one many years ago, one last night. In both dreams, he was dead. The first one I don't even want to go into...the one last night he and my other brother, who is still alive, died by 4-wheeling way out into the desert where no one could find them, freezing to death (my brother who died actually died in a motorcycle accident).

Lots of people I know dream about my dead brother, and in their dreams, he is alive. My best friend had the following exchange with my brother in a dream:

Friend to brother: "Luke! Why don't you go visit your sister!" (My friend--his friend first--always used to boss him around; he loved it.)

Brother: "Nah, she's too sad."

I wonder if when I truly start to feel better if my brother will come to me in dreams. I really am doing so much better...the first few years after his death I was totally paralyzed...I'm not so much that way anymore...but the pain's still there and it's still very raw.

And I wonder: is this baby we're expecting going to help heal me? Will life and rebirth and joy in my life for once crowd out some of the death and isolation and grief?

Will I ever be healed enough to dream of Luke alive? I pray that will be the case.