Grace in Small Things, September 21, 2011
Feeling so down today...just tired--so tired--and nauseous and work is feeling overwhelming...just really don't want to do anything, but have a lot of deadlines coming up, so must get stuff done.
But there's good stuff happening, too...always, right? Trying so hard to focus on the good stuff...
1. I'm grateful for the happy yellow sunflowers in a glass on my desk.
2. And the fact my husband and I are going to cook dinner from scratch together tonight. We cook together a lot (or used to before I got pregnant), make a good team in the kitchen. I'm going to rally and help him tonight (he's been doing an awful lot of the cooking on his own lately...)
3. And, we have a couple episodes of Californication left to watch (we do most of our TV watching after the fact via Netfilx). Laying on the couch will be lovely.
4. Going camping this weekend with my mom and dad, brother and husband. Fall and the aspens turning is so glorious in Colorado. Not really feeling up to anything right now, but I know it's going to be so fun, and I'm going to be so glad I went.
5. Almost out of the first trimester. That means I should be feeling better soon (I hope!)
XOXO
Grace in Small Things, September 20, 2011
1. My dad sent me this video yesterday (link below) and I cried the whole way through (in a good way). I love that my dad sends me little things like this...he's the only one who does. This video makes me want to adopt kids in need (this has always been our plan if fertility treatments don't end up working out...not to adopt a baby, but older kids, probably siblings). I was telling my husband how this video made me feel like adoption was such the better option, and he said, "We can still adopt, you know. Maybe when the twins are older we'll adopt some kids their same age." Loving the though of that...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W86jlvrG54o&feature=related
2. I bought a hardcover book I know my mom will love as a "just because" gift for her. I almost never buy hardcover books because of the expense, but I was thinking how if I didn't have my mom, I'd be standing in the bookstore crying because I couldn't spend the money on this book for her. Got to do these things while you can, you know? (And just as an aside, both my parents are young and healthy...there's no reason to think anything is going to happen to either of them anytime soon...but nevertheless it's something I worry about/think about all the time. It's the part of my personality I'd most like to change. Must stop thinking bad things are just about to happen.)
3. Swallowed my prenatal viatmin right before lunch and promptly puked it (and the water I used to down it, and what little was in my stomach) back up into the sink. And the puke went up my nose. Ow. But my husband was home at the time and held me while I cried (I cry at everything these days.) And then he went out and got me lunch...he is the sweetest...love him so much.
4. I got asked to take on a "problem client" at work this morning, because, in the words of my boss, "You tend not to get ruffled when things get difficult." Such a nice compliment. Hope taking this on doesn't turn out to be a nightmare, but it's true, I can generally handle whatever difficult clients want to dish out.
5. Not only does my dog think he should sleep on the bed, but he nestles himself in amongst the pillows, so he's got a little pillow cloud surrounding him. Too cute.
XOXO
Grace in Small Things, September 16, 2011
1. Put on a cute new maternity skirt--yellow with an ethnic-y white pattern--this morning that makes me look pregnant rather than fat. And my hair came out perfect today...that almost never happens. Feeling pretty for the first time in a while.
2. Got together with some writer friends of mine last night...I so need that community...it helps so much to hear other people say what you're writing is cool.
3. I'm so tired...going to go lay down in a little bit and watch the documentary Inside Job. I think it's going to rain, too...what a lovely way to spend a Friday afternoon.
4. My husband has taken to touching my belly and talking to the babies. Or tickling it like he is tickling the babies. And he kisses it twice at night before I go up to bed (I usually go to sleep earlier than him.) Sometimes I'll ask him, "What are the babies saying?" and he'll put his hand on my belly and report back. It's so cute. Makes me love him so much.
5. College football game and a birthday party for the cutest 9-year-old girl in the world tomorrow. Must go out and get her something super fashionable and fabulous...she's such a girlie girl...love it.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Thanks so much for spending some time here this week. :)
XOXO
Grace in Small Things, September 8, 2011
1. Love this lamp (above)! I want one!
2. Got a good night's sleep last night. Although I keep having dreams about miscarriage (understandable) and drinking while pregnant and getting in trouble for it (weird. Because I have absolutely NO desire to drink now that I'm pregnant, and I'm not a big drinker anyway...more a glass-of-wine-with-dinner kind of girl. Don't know why drinking-in-pregnancy is all over my subconscious).
3. Along the same lines, clean sheet night tonight. I love the first night with new sheets. :)
4. I got A LOT of writing done this afternoon. I'm working on some little stories about the first few years I surfed in San Francisco area. Always so incredibly hard for me to sit down and get started writing something, always so incredibly gratifying when I do.
5. I get to have labwork done tomorrow, which means I'm going to get some sort of peek into what's going on with the babies. In my mind, hormone numbers my clinic is happy with means babies are doing OK, hormone levels out of whack means maybe something bad is happening (weird hormone levels was one of the first signs something was going wrong with my last pregnancy). SO glad I don't have to wait all the way until my ultrasound on Tuesday to get some reassurance. (Trying to stay positive and assume the news will be good.)
XOXO
Image Credit: The Selby via sfgirlbybay.
Grace in Small Things, September 7, 2011
1. My husband is a night owl and doesn't mind (much) if I wake up at 4 AM needing to be talked off the ledge.
2 Had kind of a standard OB appointment this AM...no exam, but just a bunch of questions, paperwork, etc. My favorite nurse did the appointment. She was the nurse working with my OB who died last spring, so I don't usually get to work with her anymore, but I see her in the office and she hugs me every time she sees me. She's so lovely. She says they all say prayers for me and my babies.
(By the way, not doing so great today. I know there is no logical reason to be scared of miscarriage, but it's 9 weeks and my gut says bad things happen at 9 weeks. Tears have been shed. But really trying not to go to that place of fear, if for nothing else because my husband said to me yesterday that if I'm scared, he's scared and if I'm OK, he's OK as far as all this baby stuff goes. I don't want him to suffer for no reason, when everything's probably going to turn out to be fine.)
3. Cut up peaches in milk. Is there anything better to eat in the world?
4. You guys, for reading along and leaving such awesome and supportive comments. I'm tearing up...it really means so much to have you out there rooting for me. Heart you guys!
5. Came out to my parent's place to work this afternoon...they've got some land and it's so lush and green and lovely...it hardly feels like working when you're sitting outside listening to a fountain gurgle, smelling the green grass, breathing the fresh air...
XOXO
Grace in Small Things, September 6, 2011
1. I am loving, loving, loving the blog honey of a thousand flowers right now (originally discovered via Fabulous K), with its absolutely gorgeous flower arrangements like the one above. I have secret dreams of being a florist someday, and if it ever happens, I want the things I put together to look like this. Love that this floral designer's based out of Salt Lake City, too...sometimes I feel like the only cool things happening are on the East and West coasts, and it's good to be reminded that that's not true...
2. Rain today. And the temperature is cooler. And some of the leaves on the apple tree outside my office window are starting to tinge yellow. Ah, fall...if it wasn't for snowboarding, fall would definitely be my favorite season.
3. My dog Newton sits on the fuzzy white bath mat while I take a shower, and then as soon as I'm out wrapping myself in a towel, he starts licking the water off my ankles. He is just too adorable.
4. Symphony season tickets arrived in the mail. Love the symphony here. And I always feel that because we're not in a big city, the visiting artists that come here don't feel the pressure to perform the standard, well-liked stuff they often need to. Instead, they can play around with more obscure things that are near and dear to their hearts. Which makes for some amazing performances...
5. Had labwork done today and my progesterone levels are a lot lower than last week. Kind of freaking out waiting for my clinic to call. (I get the results from my local lab and then email them to my out-of-town clinic, so I know the results before I can get any sort of interpretation of them, and I don't really have a good handle on what the numbers mean). But it's good that my clinic is monitoring me closely, right? I'll update here with what they say when they call...
XOXO
Image Credit: honey of a thousand flowers.
CCRM called and said not to worry...to stay on my Endometrin and re-check Friday...
Deep breaths...
Grace in Small Things, September 1, 2011
1. I have the sweetest mom in the whole wide world. She knows the next couple weeks are going to be tough, as this was the time when I lost my last baby. She made me a little bag of presents...one for each day until my next ultrasound. Just little things, but there's so much love in these gifts. I'm so lucky...
2. One of my best friends has this thing about turtles. She loves them--and thinks they're lucky. She told me yesterday she puts my ultrasound dates on her calendar, and wears turtle jewelry on those days.
3. Work is busy. Which is good in that my maternity fund is getting funded (I freelance, and plan to take 3 months off when the babies are born, and my husband's finishing his last year of college right now, so, yeah, we need money in the bank for those months). A busy work schedule is helping to make that goal a reality.
4. Could not sleep last night, but my first call this morning was at 10 AM, so slept in until 9:45...so fortunate to be able to do that!
5. Meeting a friend in a few minutes for an ice cream cone...soooooo nauseous, but I know ice cream is going to help. :)
XOXO
Grace in Small Things, August 31, 2011
1. I ordered this sweater (above) before I was pregnant, and for some reason it's been sitting in its box (very unlike me). I opened it yesterday, and realized it's going to be the perfect maternity sweater. Yay!
2. Plain yogurt and rasberries and granola homemade by my mom for breakfast.
3. There are big, lush clusters of hot-pink roses in my rose garden right now, and the way the sun tinged the edges of them early this morning when I let the dogs out into the yard was absolutely divine.
4. My IVF nurse says my lab numbers look "perfect," and is weaning me further off my medications. I'm getting weaned off way faster than last time...not sure if that's because of the twins, or because last time things weren't going as smoothly. Either way, I'm happy.
5. We have a cricket in our house. He's in our kitchen and he chirps, so loud, at night. If we find him we'll put him outside, but I kind of like him in here with us. I keep thinking: lucky cricket, lucky cricket, lucky cricket.
Hope everyone has a lovely day!
XOXO
Image Credit: Anthropologie.
Grace in Small Things: August 28, 2011
Hi Everyone!
I know I don't usually blog on the weekends, but I've been thinking a lot about some things, and wanted to get started on something new (which I'll be describing below).
Here's the deal: I've been trying to be somewhat cheerful around here--or at least balance out all the negative stuff that's running through my brain--but the truth is, between:
1) Morning sickness pretty much 24/7, and
2) Being terrified of miscarriage (this fear is growing so strong as I approach the time when things went wrong with my last pregnancy), and
3) (To a far lesser extent) not feeling like myself at all...feeling kind of bummed about the fact I can't be outdoor adrenaline girl for a while, and I just feel fat and out of shape (but don't yet look pregnant)...and I can't travel...all totally fine for the sake of healthy babies, but it doesn't change the fact that this process is stripping away so many parts of me and I'm finding that a little hard to deal with...
Anyway, each day I've been slipping a little bit deeper into a funk. And I need to do something about it.
Bottom line, I don't want to go all Pollyanna and sugarcoat everything and run around here saying: "Life is great! Everything is happy and perfect and blissful!" I still want to do posts on whatever I'm struggling with/rejoycing over. But I do want to try and focus more on all the good in my life...I NEED to focus more on all the good in my life, because I shouldn't be feeling so terrible. I mean, I'm pregnant! And right now, there's no reason to think anything's wrong! And I won't feel so sick and be so restricted forever! (And besides, it's for SUCH a good cause.)
I've been thinking about something Sprogblogger used to do on her blog. The idea originally came from Schmutzi, and it's called "Grace in Small Things." Essentially, you list five things--small things--each day that you're grateful for.
So without further ado:
1. My husband, and how handy he is. We had a water pipe burst in our rose garden last week, and he fixed it yesterday, no problem (with me sitting beside him handing him tools)
2. My parents bringing me food so I don't have to cook. Fresh sweet corn from my dad this week. Ratatouille and split pea soup from my mom
3. A hike this morning (and I use that term loosely)...on a flat trail called "Kid's Meal," but still nice to get outdoors, breath in some fresh air, let the dogs run around and play
4. A newly purchased Bella Band and maternity tank top. This past week all of a sudden not a lot of my clothes are comfortable anymore....my waistbands dig in, my tank tops ride up. I can't believe how comfortable I am all of a sudden. This alone is going to make me happier...
5. My husband started his final year of college last week (he was in the Navy for eight years, returned to school on the GI Bill) and study sessions started today at our house. Since I need to get out of the way while these are going on, I've decided to use that time to work on the book that I'm trying to get a solid draft of done before the babies come. Today was my first day to sit down and work on it...felt so good
Hope everyone's been having a great weekend! Thanks, as always, for stopping by. :)
XOXO