IVF Interviews (cont.): "Mrs. Lemon"
Mrs. Lemon is on tap for today. She is, like me, still in the middle of multiple rounds of IVF. I wanted to interview someone who hadn’t (yet!) achieved success in the baby-making arena, as I think maybe all the feelings and thoughts surrounding this may be a little more raw and immediate while people are actually going through it.
I “met” Mrs. Lemon on the January/February Cycle Sistas list, which you can access right HERE.
Check out Mrs. Lemon’s wonderful blog HERE. She’s actually transferring today, so please stop by and wish her luck!
Thanks, Mrs. Lemon, for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us! :)
1. Briefly, give us an idea of what you’ve been through with your fertility issues. (How many years you’ve tried to get pregnant, the sorts of procedures you’ve undergone, etc.)
Ah, where to begin. I am one of those people that always knew I was at risk for fertility issues. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 22 and with endometriosis (stage IV) when I was 26. I have also suffered with abnormal bleeding issues since I was 24 and no one can figure out how to stop it. The Mr. and I didn't get around to trying to have a baby until I was 32, we have been at this for almost 3 years. In the last three years I have done 6 months of clomid, 9 IUI's (3 with injectibles), 3 Fresh IVF's, and one FET. I have had the full gamut of testing done, 3 HSG's, 2 saline sonos, countless ultrasounds and bloodwork, 1 D&C and a month of Lupron Depot. We have only had one positive pregnancy test and that was chemical. I am in the middle of IVF #4.
2. How did you pick your clinic?
I started with a different clinic and after all the IUI's, and 2 Fresh IVF's, they couldn't get me to the FET because they couldn't control the bleeding I experience. At that point I switched over to my current clinic on recommendations of many friends and fellow bloggers. They have been wonderful even though I'm still not pregnant. My RE is a very caring man who really listens and I get a ton of face time with him. At the first clinic I rarely saw or spoke to my physician, only the nurses and office staff. I find I have a better experience when I can actually speak to the MD.
3. How are you staying sane through the process?
I wasn't. After being cancelled for the FET a second time I was really struggling. I ended up joining a mind/body program for infertility. It was amazing. I met a fabulous group of women and we meet weekly to continue to support each other through this journey. I also have an amazing husband the constantly picks me up and reminds me to "just keep swimming".
4. What are you doing as far as being good to yourself?
I am going to acupuncture weekly which I love and relaxes me. I also have learned to say no during a cycle. I do better when I am on my own schedule and getting lots of rest. I also stopped feeling guilty about the occasional glass of wine or coffee during a cycle (not the 2ww). I just go with it, if I really need caffeine, I have some. I was making myself crazy with all the I can't do this, can't do that. I'm just chilling out a bit more.
5. Has this been hard on your marriage? How do you keep your marriage intact/strong?
I think anyone who says this isn't tough on their marriage is lying. It's super stressful, a giant romance killer, tough on the body and the soul. My husband and I have been through a lot together so we are fairing well. It is hugely important to continue to talk to each other as well plan special non-fertility related things. We recently went to Atlantic City for a few days and just relaxed, didn't focus on fertility and enjoyed each others company. We are going to head to a B&B in March for another decompress (of course I hope IVF #4 is a success and I am puking away!)
6. Ugh…the two week wait. How do you deal? Do you use home pregnancy tests?
Like everyone, the two week wait is awful. I try again to just take it easy, avoid stressful event etc. I find making plans for the weekend during the 2ww is much needed, though. I need the distraction.
Only once did I not take HPT's. I went in confident that I must be pregnant and I never tested and the blow when the nurse called was HORRIBLE. I will from now on always test. Most likely 5dp3dt to verify trigger is out of system, then at 8dp3dt and forward looking and praying for a positive.
7. Having been through everything you’ve been through up to this point, what if anything would you do differently?
I would have been more assertive. I think in the beginning I was afraid to question the doctors and nurses. At one point I went 6 months without talking to the doctor and I swear I lost 6 months of treatment because of it. You need to be your own advocate. If I really thought this was going to take us over 3 years, I would have though about starting a little earlier but hindsight is 20/20.
8. What’s next for you? How do you decide? Did you map it all out at the beginning? Or after each try do you plan next steps?
We have a new protocol and a new diagnosis (uterine receptivity defect). We will most like keep going as long as insurance covers us and the doctors tell us we have a good chance. By the end of 2011 we are committed to either deciding to use a surrogate or adopting (or both) if we are still not pregnant.
9. How has this process changed you?
It has made me way stronger. I never knew I could put up with so much and survive. I am also a little more selfish and have learned sometime you just have to put yourself and your family (husband and future babies) first!
10. Has there been anything positive associated with this experience?
My husband and I have continued to get closer and I have met some amazing new women that have experienced infertility that I will be friends with forever.
11. What would you tell someone starting or currently in the middle of all this?
I think I would say, be prepared for anything, keep an open mind, find a support system and remember to be good to yourself.
12. Anything else? Last words?
Infertility is hard, remember just because you can't picture becoming a parent, doesn't mean it won't happen.
Photo credit: Tpurk.
