Naming a Son After a Brother Who Died Young: Some Thoughts

Interesting article in the New York Times a few days ago, entitled Naming a Son After a Brother Who Died Young, by Linda K. Wertheimer. In it, she talks about her reasons for NOT doing this, which seem to boil down to the pain it would cause her and her family, and the undue burden it would place on her son.

As some of you know, I have experience with this as well. My brother Luke died in an accident at 27, seven years ago now. We were living together at the time, and his death was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. 

I'd thought about if I were to have a boy I might want to name him Luke, but I always assumed that my husband wouldn't want to. He never knew my brother (I met my husband a few months after my brother's death), and it's been hard for him, how sad I've been for so, so long about what I for years saw as not only the end of my brother's life, but the end of my life, too.

When we started talking about names for the twins, though, it was my husband who said, "Let's name our son Luke." I was so excited to do so, and feel like that encouragement to use my brother's name was such a gift from my husband.

I did have a few reservations, though, some along the same lines of those held by the woman who wrote this article. Would it make me sad to say my brother's name all the time? Would it be too big a burden to place on my child? Would we have expectations that my son would be like my brother?

My son Luke is just four-and-a-half months old, but the experience so far has been very positive. It's not painful to say his name; on the contrary, the name "Luke" is no longer tinged with such sadness...it's easier than ever to say it, hear it, see it written, and I like that my brother Luke is living on in some small way. It's like he's more a part of our world than he has been in a long time, and that makes me very happy.

And while I still think of my brother, it doesn't happen every time I use or hear my son's name. My parents are now in the habit of saying "Our Luke" and "Your Luke" when there needs to be clarification of who we're talking about; I think we all see them as two very separate people, their name being a sweet and loving connection.

I understand making the decision not to use a brother's name. But for us, it's worked. I'm so glad we did it.

XOXO