Truth in Blogging

Hi Everyone! Happy Tuesday!

Today I wanted to talk about something that's been on my mind of late, mostly because as I come out of the fog of the first few months of motherhood, I've been thinking a lot about what I want this blog to be moving forward.

From the beginning, this blog was meant as a fun, creative project for me. What it was about initially was my struggles getting over the death of my brother, and, even more so, my last few rounds of IVF and the last loss (late miscarriage) that we suffered in relation to that.

And then the pregnancy that didn't end in disaster! Yay! And the twins...the incredible twins that have brought so much joy to our lives. And so these days, this is very much a parenting blog, and that's where I want this blog to go (for the time being, at least).

One of the things that popped into my head last week while thinking about this is that famous Tolstoy quote, about (and I'm paraphrasing) every happy family being the same, but every unhappy family being unhappy in its own way.

I was thinking about that because ours is such a happy family, and that's what I want this blog to be about. And I disagree that every happy family is the same. I think they are all different, and for me the key to making it thought this life with all its trials and tribulations is to focus on what is happy--the unique, specific things that bring happiness--especially when times are good, which they are right now.

OK.

That said, there is a flip side.

Of course my life's not perfect...no one's is. And I'm afraid that people reading my blog will think that it is these days, because I don't talk about the bad stuff very often anymore. A lot of that is because there isn't that much bad stuff. And also, I am making a conscious choice to focus on the good.

But is that dishonest?

I'm going to say no...my space, my rules, and I'm not making my life out to be something that it's not. I really just don't want to focus on the negative. But there ARE things that happen and things that I worry about that I don't usually bring up. For instance:

1. My husband and I fight sometimes. We always make up, but still, it happens
2. I still miss my brother terribly sometimes
3. I still fell totally traumatized by what we went through to have children, although for the most part I'm just trying not to think about it. (Same with my brother. I'm not sure how healthy a coping strategy this is, but it's what I've got)
4. Sometimes I'm scared of moving (which is probably what's going to happen once my husband accepts a job). Actually, I'm excited for my husband to get an amazing job, and I'm excited to go with him somewhere new. It's just that I'm going to miss my parents. And it's going to be fine because we're all committed to visiting, there's phone calls and Skype and email and etc, etc. I'm just a little afraid of the unknown...
5. I'm still scared that something is going to happen to the twins. The horrible anxiety I had right after they were born is gone, thank goodness. But still, I worry
6. And I have regrets about the past...the far past...things I can't do anything about...
7. And work can be...I mean, I'm really grateful of the fact--and proud of the fact--that I can support my family if need be (like in this interim place between my husband finishing school and finding a good job). Still, sometimes work...there can be stress and angst
8. I shouldn't worry about money, because we're doing fine, but sometimes I do
9. Etc...

Here's why I don't want to write about these things that often. Not because I'm embarrassed about any of them, or that I want people to think my life is better than it is. But because the things that go on, the things I worry about...for the most part they don't change. And I don't want to be a broken record, over and over with the small things that are at times not so great. 

This isn't a diary. This isn't a confessional tell-all, and I'm not pretending it is. This is just a space where I (for the most part) want to record all that is joyous in my life, and there is so, so much of that.

But I promise, on occasion, to spill the beans on the bad stuff.

Because that's part of it, too.

Just not the part I want to focus on, and I hope that that's OK.

Would love to hear your thoughts on this...

XOXO