A Small Scare Today (But All Is Well)

Hi Everyone!

So I went over to my mom's this morning, and she took a look at my ankles, which have been swollen since my shower on Saturday, and asked me to call my doctor right away. (She's a nurse, so her recommendations have extra weight.) 

I called my doctor, and they asked me to come in to be looked at in a few hours.

So of course my mind goes to the worst possible place...pre-eclampsia, hospitalization, a forced early birth, etc. I get scared so easily with this pregnancy.

BUT, I went to the doctor and my blood pressure is OK, no protein in my urine, my weight is OK so they think I'm fine. They just asked me to stay off my feet for a while, try to eat as little salt as possible, and drink water with lemons and cucumbers, all of which are supposed to help with the swelling.

***Big sigh.***

I will say, though, that I am feeling differently this week. A lot more tired. Hard to breath. Hard to move when I'm laying down (like switching from one side to the other).

I've just got to take it day by day. And tell myself millions of women have done this before me...I can do it too...

XOXO

Pregnancy: Week 26

Hi Everyone! Happy Monday!

I'm 27 weeks pregnant today...the last week of the second trimester...yay! And I don't have a picture for you today because honestly, I haven't been able to make it out of my PJs. But I had some maternity photos taken last week that I'll share tomorrow to make up for it! :)

Here's how the past week has been:

• Gestational diabetes has been the big news (you can read about it here and here and here). I'm doing pretty OK with it, fingersticks and all. My blood glucose levels have all been within the normal range, except for last night after Thai food. Probably no more Thai food for me for a while, which is OK because the Thai food in this town sucks
• Felt a lot of stretching this week, and now I feel like there is baby everywhere, way up high in my abdomen (like right up under my breasts), my sides feel like they are growing out, way down low. My belly button's still in and no stretch marks yet...
• Sleep has been OK most nights, horrible a couple nights. I'm wondering if my blood glucose levels have something to do with it, because last night was a bad night and the only time since I started testing that my levels have been elevated. Or maybe it's just a coincidence, I don't know
• Getting harder to breath. A lot more heartburn. A little nausea still, but not too bad. My back's OK generally, sometimes it hurts though
• Lots of movement from the babies
• Did lots of little baby prep things this past week. Had our hospital tour/paperwork appointment so we're all ready to go with labor and delivery. Dealt with the whole diabetes thing. Had maternity photos taken. Started on the quilts my mom and I are making for the babies, and I started on the sweaters I want to have as part of the babies' going-home outfits. Got and framed a few pictures for the babies' room. Made a list of what we have left to do (I want to be totally done by the end of February). Just doing a little each week we'll get it all done
• I've been a little fearful this week, I think a combination of the fall I took last week and the whole gestational diabetes thing. While the diabetes is not in and of itself something to be overly concerned about, I guess it's just kind of reminded me that things can and do go wrong...even thought I've been feeling a lot of movement and have been growing, I've still been feeling a little bit afraid that something--who knows what--is wrong with one or both of the babies. I'm also worried about pre-term labor...every little twinge I wonder if it's something I should call my doctor about...I haven't called about anything yet, but I don't want to look back and say, I wish I'd taken that thing seriously. Ugh...I'm really hoping these bouts of fear go away once the babies are born...and I think they will...it's just so hard for me to trust that things going bad during a pregnancy is the exception, not the norm. Stupid infertility and IVF and chemical pregnancies and miscarriage...it makes me sad I'm not just a blissed out pregnant woman, oblivious to anything that could go wrong. I do have an OB appointment on Friday...will feel better once I get to see the babies and hear that they're doing OK...

Hope everyone has a lovely week!

XO

Week 25

Week 24

Week 23

Week 22

Week 21

Week 20

Week 19

Week 18

Week 17

Week 16

Week 15

Week 14

Week 13

Week 12

Week 11

Week 10

Week 9

Week 8

Week 7

Week 6

Week 5

Week 4

Patience

"Patience is the theme of our class today," my yoga instructor said to us this morning. (And, by the way, it's prenatal and postpartum yoga, and one of the ladies brought her 7-week-old-daughter to class and oh my God was that baby ever cute. Cute, cute, cute. Absolutely cannot wait to have actual real live babies of my own.)

Anyway, patience. Patience with our bodies, all the changes, our emotions.

Applicable to yoga class, and also life in general, especially right now.

I have, I've realized, no patience with myself. I'm not cutting myself any slack.

I'm having a hard time with how my body's changing (feeling so fat and unattractive, scared I will never be pretty again...vain, I know, but there it is. Also, who I am is so based on athletics...being essentially a couch potato these past few months has left me feeling so adrift.)

I have no patience for how sick I've been, and exhausted. I've had to make allowances for these things, but I hate it and I fight it.

I have no patience for not feeling over-the-moon-happy about my pregnancy every second, even though intellectually I know it's normal to be up and down, especially with how sick I've been feeling.

I have no patience for the depression that creeps in, especially late at night. God, I still miss my brother, and still wonder if I will ever be OK with him dead, or if I'm just going to be in pain because of it for the rest of my life (the pain's better, more manageable, than it used to be, but it's still there). And I've just been through 5 years of trying to get pregnant (the last 3 with multiple surgeries and IVFs), and I think that's affected me more than I've let on...for so long it's just been keep your chin up and move onto the next thing, stay positive, don't think about the sadness of it. And the miscarriage I had last spring...what would have been my due date's coming up and I don't know if I just brushed all the feelings surrounding that aside when it happened and now it's coming back to haunt me, but it's feeling hard, even though I am pregnant now with two beautiful babies that seem to want to stick around.

In short, I want to be this happy, glow-y, beautiful, serene, perfect pregnant woman, and I'm not.

Sigh.

Patience for all the flaws, Kristen. Patience for all the flaws.

Beta Results

So I got my beta results: 698 (over 5 is considered pregnant, my clinic wants to see this number over 50). Holy Moly, that seems high. Which I know could mean twins...

Can't believe it. So very, very grateful and happy right now...

XOXO