Did My OB Take My Baby?

The "bleeding heart" blooming in my yard. Always makes me think of my brother who died...and now my baby, too.

So will you guys let me get all weird and metaphysical today? Just for this post, I promise...

As I wrote about a few weeks ago, my OB recently committed suicide. And my baby died at essentially the same time. And I'd just seen my OB and had an ultrasound and talked about the baby a few days before.

So here's what keeps running through my mind, and it's really upsetting me. What if when my OB left this world, she took my baby with her? I don't mean it like my OB did it intentionally, I don't think of it like that, I just think maybe there was a connection between her and my baby and if she couldn't stay, maybe my baby couldn't stay either. So if my OB hadn't taken her life, my baby would be OK.

Weird, I know. But the only time I've cried really hard about this (there's been lots and lots of kind of normal sobbing, but only one big freak-out)...anyway, the time I've gotten really, really upset about what's happened is when I've been thinking about this.

I sound like a crazy person today, but just had to put this out there.

Thanks for humoring me.

xo