Balancing Life, Work and Parenthood

Hi Everyone! Happy Wednesday!

Soooooo excited about December's PAIL monthly theme post: "Balancing Life, Work and Parenthood." This is something I think about ALL THE TIME. 

First, a little background for those who don't know me well--these are the things that demand my time:

• I have 9-month-old twins, and we are going to try and have one more baby within the next year
• I'm married and my marriage is very important to me
• I also work part time from home. I work in advertising, as a copywriter/creative director. I've been freelancing for the past 10 years, so the work-at-home thing is not new, although the part-time thing is
• I also write, both fiction and non-fiction, and that is really my passion
• And I love being outdoors...hiking, camping, snowboarding, etc... ("me time")
• And then, there is the normal, keep-life-running kind of stuff that everyone has to deal with (chores, dinner, housecleaning, etc.)

Why I Work

The first questions I'm always asking myself is, "Why do I work?" Right now, my husband is job hunting, so it's a necessity, but soon he'll be working and we could make it on his salary. And I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom...my work is enjoyable and I'm good at it, but I don't feel any great drive to do it, don't feel like I'm contributing anything great to the world. But...I make a pretty good hourly wage, and me working allows us to do things we wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. Plus, my husband wants me to contribute some financially, and I respect that. And part-time feels pretty manageable, so that's the set-up we have, and I think it's working pretty well.

(My husband would also want me to add here that although I THINK I want to be a stay-at-home mom, that would involve cleaning the house and ironing, both of which I hate and am terrible at.)

How I (Try to) Make it All Work

The second thing I'm always asking myself is, "Is this working?" I'm always wondering if I'm doing a good job juggling everything. Overall, I think the answer to that question is, "Yes," but there's no question some things are getting sacrificed along the way. A breakdown of what gets accomplished (and how it gets accomplished) and what gets neglected:

• Kids—My little ones are obviously my priority, and I'm really proud of the fact that while other areas of my life may be neglected, they are not. Weekends are all about them. Weekdays, I spend 6 AM to 9 AM exclusively with them, and then other pockets of time throughout the day (some days more than others, depending on my work schedule/deadlines). I also do their bedtime routine with them every evening except Sunday (date night). Their dad takes care of them while I work (will be his mom once he's working again), with my mom taking over once a week on Wednesdays
• Husband/Marriage—I make spending time with my husband a priority, do not put our marriage last on the list. Our situation is a little unusual in that he's home (probably not for much longer), so we get some time together every day. We almost always spend our evenings together, too. We also have a date night every Sunday, thanks to my mom and dad who babysit, and it's wonderful. I think it was my husband's fear that he would be totally neglected once we had kids...I'm trying hard to make sure that that is not the case
• Work—I've got the best clients in the world, really...they've been so great about the shift from me doing whatever, whenever, to having to have some boundaries so my kid time doesn't get eaten up. I've learned to say no to huge rush projects. To say no in general when I need to in order to keep my "to do" list manageable. To not travel (with rare exceptions). I try really hard not to work on the weekends. I feel like I'm doing good work...the main thing for me though is not to commit to too much...always a struggle, but I've done pretty well so far
• Writing—This is suffering. Actually, I include blogging in this category...my blog is very important to me...the connections it affords and also I see it as a record of my kids' childhood that will be so precious to me and perhaps to them too in the future, so I make time for it, but there's never as much time as I'd like. (I have 3 pages of things I'd like to do in this space and haven't gotten around to.) So blogging is getting some attention, usually after the kids go to bed or during naps on the weekends. But my other writing has totally fallen by the wayside and at some point, I want to correct that. The only time to write would be after the kids are in bed (or naps on weekends), but that's also time I want to spend with my husband, so... Something I've been thinking of doing is making one night a week my writing night...not a lot of time but better than what I've got going now. We'll see.
• "Me Time"—I love being outdoors, and the exercise is good for me. Love yoga too. I go in waves with this...sometimes I'm really good about getting out and getting some exercise, other weeks I just can't stand to be away from my babies. Generally I hike with my dad every Wednesday while my mom babysits, and my husband watches the kids once a week while I go to yoga. Sometimes I get out walking with the kids in the stroller, which is ideal, but it seems like it's always too hot or too cold, and one or both ends up fussy and that's not fun for anyone. Still trying to figure out the best balance here. And then stuff like snowboarding...a couple years ago, the season-pass-holding-on-the-mountain-twice-a-week me could not imagine not wanting to go, but now...I hate the thought of being away from the babies for a day. Snowboarding may just have to wait until they are old enough to be on the mountain, too. Oh and by the way, other "me time" stuff is pretty much nonexistent...reading and getting out with friends being two things I would love to do that just aren't happening right now. Oh and knitting. It would be nice to knit again someday...
• Daily Tasks—Here's where things really break down. Well, not really, because we have a housecleaner that comes once a week (God bless her) and my husband does most of the cooking (have I mentioned how amazing my husband is?) And we do shopping/errands together, so we get things done and spend time with each other and the kids all in one fell swoop with that. But there are chores I'm supposed to get accomplished each week and I am SO BAD about those. So bad. There is just not time and I'm always stressed about these things and they are never done in a timely manner and it drives my husband crazy and I am trying to be better about it but really, if there is a breakdown in the system better it be here than the attention the kids are getting, right?

Bottom Line

I have lots of help, and I prioritize. And I don't get everything done I want to (the things that are suffering the most are my writing and chores). My writing...honestly, I feel like if it takes a backseat for a year or two that's OK. And chores...everything seems to get done eventually. I am feeling really good about how much time I spend with my kids and how good my relationship with my husband is, also that I am doing a good job at work and contributing to my family in that way.

By the way, so excited about the possibility of three kids, but also scared because things are going along pretty smoothly right now...will three put us over the edge?

Once the list of other PAIL posts goes up, I will link to it here. Can't wait to hear what everyone else has to say on this topic!

XOXO