Quotations, Writing Kristen Quotations, Writing Kristen

Something I've been turning over in my mind...

Something I've been turning over in my mind as I start to think about focusing on other things again, like maybe trying to finish the San Francisco book I'm half done with and I'm scared to finish because it's an experimental form and what if in the end it doesn't come together?

But I know half finished it will haunt me forever...

XOXO

 

Image found here.

Read More
California, Death & Grief, Poems, Quotations, Writing Kristen California, Death & Grief, Poems, Quotations, Writing Kristen

Going Through Old Files Getting Ready to Write Again, and Finding a Poem That Makes Me Think of My Brother Luke

Hi Everyone! Happy Friday!

One of the things I want to do this year is write again...I mean, I write here, and for my job Monday through Friday...but I mean work on some of my book-length projects...things I haven't touched in a year or more, being hugely pregnant and then with the twins...

The first step is getting organized, seeing where I left off...no small feat. And interesting what you find when doing so...

I found a poem, one of only two poems I've ever memorized in my life, I love it because it says to me what writing is about, not giving up on your dreams, you know? What the real reward for doing it is.

Also, it's by Charles Bukowski, one of my favorite writers of all time. My brother Luke's (the one who died), too. When we were living together our house was full of his books, and one night we went to see a documentary about him up at UCSB with the drummer in Luke's band. The drummer's girlfriend was always involved in these fancy party-type things and we met the drummer at one of them, there was a photographer taking pictures of people for the society pages of the newspaper or whatever, and a picture of us ended up there, with the same last name it looked like we were a married couple. "This is why I can't get a date in this town," Luke said. Actually, that crowd, where we made the occasional appearance (not really our scene)...pretty much everyone assumed we were just some "cute surfer couple," as the drummer's girlfriend (now wife) tells the story, not brother and sister, I'm assuming because wherever we went we were always together, plus having the same last name...

Missing Luke...wish I had a copy of that picture...I know the drummer's girlfriend has one because she mentioned it last time I saw her...

But, I hugely digress...

Anyway, here's the poem. Excited to be starting to write again...feels good.

 

afternoons into night

Charles Bukowski


looking out the window

smoking rolled cigarettes

drinking Sanka

and watching the workers

come on in

I wonder, how much longer

can I get away with this?

stories and poems and

paintings

surviving on that.


an insane girlfriend

years younger

who loves me

types at her novel

in the kitchen


my stories, my poems...

what is a poem?


a book by Celine sits on

the edge of the bathtub.

I read it when I bathe

and laugh.


the workers come in now

I see their faces,

the insides scraped away,

the outsides

missing.

I've had their jobs,

their goldfish 

security


Segovia plays to me 

so softly from the

radio, the daylight's going.

look here--

the trip's been worth it,

while jetliners go to New York and

Georgia and Texas

I sit surrounded by hymns that

nobody can ever take away

as the workers bend over

hot soup and cold

wives.

 

Thanks for spending some time here this week. Hope you have a lovely weekend. :)

XOXO

 

Image Credit: luckyfish.

Read More
Marriage, Motherhood, Snowboarding, Work, Writing Kristen Marriage, Motherhood, Snowboarding, Work, Writing Kristen

Balancing Life, Work and Parenthood

Hi Everyone! Happy Wednesday!

Soooooo excited about December's PAIL monthly theme post: "Balancing Life, Work and Parenthood." This is something I think about ALL THE TIME. 

First, a little background for those who don't know me well--these are the things that demand my time:

  • I have 9-month-old twins, and we are going to try and have one more baby within the next year
  • I'm married and my marriage is very important to me
  • I also work part time from home. I work in advertising, as a copywriter/creative director. I've been freelancing for the past 10 years, so the work-at-home thing is not new, although the part-time thing is
  • I also write, both fiction and non-fiction, and that is really my passion
  • And I love being outdoors...hiking, camping, snowboarding, etc... ("me time")
  • And then, there is the normal, keep-life-running kind of stuff that everyone has to deal with (chores, dinner, housecleaning, etc.)

 

Why I Work

The first questions I'm always asking myself is, "Why do I work?" Right now, my husband is job hunting, so it's a necessity, but soon he'll be working and we could make it on his salary. And I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom...my work is enjoyable and I'm good at it, but I don't feel any great drive to do it, don't feel like I'm contributing anything great to the world. But...I make a pretty good hourly wage, and me working allows us to do things we wouldn't otherwise be able to afford. Plus, my husband wants me to contribute some financially, and I respect that. And part-time feels pretty manageable, so that's the set-up we have, and I think it's working pretty well.

(My husband would also want me to add here that although I THINK I want to be a stay-at-home mom, that would involve cleaning the house and ironing, both of which I hate and am terrible at.)

 

How I (Try to) Make it All Work

The second thing I'm always asking myself is, "Is this working?" I'm always wondering if I'm doing a good job juggling everything. Overall, I think the answer to that question is, "Yes," but there's no question some things are getting sacrificed along the way. A breakdown of what gets accomplished (and how it gets accomplished) and what gets neglected:

  • Kids—My little ones are obviously my priority, and I'm really proud of the fact that while other areas of my life may be neglected, they are not. Weekends are all about them. Weekdays, I spend 6 AM to 9 AM exclusively with them, and then other pockets of time throughout the day (some days more than others, depending on my work schedule/deadlines). I also do their bedtime routine with them every evening except Sunday (date night). Their dad takes care of them while I work (will be his mom once he's working again), with my mom taking over once a week on Wednesdays
  • Husband/Marriage—I make spending time with my husband a priority, do not put our marriage last on the list. Our situation is a little unusual in that he's home (probably not for much longer), so we get some time together every day. We almost always spend our evenings together, too. We also have a date night every Sunday, thanks to my mom and dad who babysit, and it's wonderful. I think it was my husband's fear that he would be totally neglected once we had kids...I'm trying hard to make sure that that is not the case
  • Work—I've got the best clients in the world, really...they've been so great about the shift from me doing whatever, whenever, to having to have some boundaries so my kid time doesn't get eaten up. I've learned to say no to huge rush projects. To say no in general when I need to in order to keep my "to do" list manageable. To not travel (with rare exceptions). I try really hard not to work on the weekends. I feel like I'm doing good work...the main thing for me though is not to commit to too much...always a struggle, but I've done pretty well so far
  • Writing—This is suffering. Actually, I include blogging in this category...my blog is very important to me...the connections it affords and also I see it as a record of my kids' childhood that will be so precious to me and perhaps to them too in the future, so I make time for it, but there's never as much time as I'd like. (I have 3 pages of things I'd like to do in this space and haven't gotten around to.) So blogging is getting some attention, usually after the kids go to bed or during naps on the weekends. But my other writing has totally fallen by the wayside and at some point, I want to correct that. The only time to write would be after the kids are in bed (or naps on weekends), but that's also time I want to spend with my husband, so... Something I've been thinking of doing is making one night a week my writing night...not a lot of time but better than what I've got going now. We'll see.
  • "Me Time"—I love being outdoors, and the exercise is good for me. Love yoga too. I go in waves with this...sometimes I'm really good about getting out and getting some exercise, other weeks I just can't stand to be away from my babies. Generally I hike with my dad every Wednesday while my mom babysits, and my husband watches the kids once a week while I go to yoga. Sometimes I get out walking with the kids in the stroller, which is ideal, but it seems like it's always too hot or too cold, and one or both ends up fussy and that's not fun for anyone. Still trying to figure out the best balance here. And then stuff like snowboarding...a couple years ago, the season-pass-holding-on-the-mountain-twice-a-week me could not imagine not wanting to go, but now...I hate the thought of being away from the babies for a day. Snowboarding may just have to wait until they are old enough to be on the mountain, too. Oh and by the way, other "me time" stuff is pretty much nonexistent...reading and getting out with friends being two things I would love to do that just aren't happening right now. Oh and knitting. It would be nice to knit again someday...
  • Daily Tasks—Here's where things really break down. Well, not really, because we have a housecleaner that comes once a week (God bless her) and my husband does most of the cooking (have I mentioned how amazing my husband is?) And we do shopping/errands together, so we get things done and spend time with each other and the kids all in one fell swoop with that. But there are chores I'm supposed to get accomplished each week and I am SO BAD about those. So bad. There is just not time and I'm always stressed about these things and they are never done in a timely manner and it drives my husband crazy and I am trying to be better about it but really, if there is a breakdown in the system better it be here than the attention the kids are getting, right?

 

Bottom Line

I have lots of help, and I prioritize. And I don't get everything done I want to (the things that are suffering the most are my writing and chores). My writing...honestly, I feel like if it takes a backseat for a year or two that's OK. And chores...everything seems to get done eventually. I am feeling really good about how much time I spend with my kids and how good my relationship with my husband is, also that I am doing a good job at work and contributing to my family in that way.

By the way, so excited about the possibility of three kids, but also scared because things are going along pretty smoothly right now...will three put us over the edge?

Once the list of other PAIL posts goes up, I will link to it here. Can't wait to hear what everyone else has to say on this topic!

XOXO

Read More
Writing Kristen Writing Kristen

Buck Up, Buttercup Turns Two! (And a Request for Feedback)

Hi Everyone!

Today is my blogoversary...so excited!

This space has changed a lot--I have changed a lot--from me being in the middle of infertility hell (Year 0) to me being in the middle of an ultimately successful pregnancy (Year 1) to now, with me being in the middle of raising our beautiful fabulous amazing baby twins.

As I've changed, my goals for this space have changed. Today they are two-fold:

1) To share ideas/experiences with other moms, and

2) To document the lovely parts of our life, so I am able to look back and clearly remember this magical time

But I'm curious and would love, love, love some feedback. Specifically:

What do you LIKE reading about in this space/what would you like more of?

What are you NOT as interested in/would would you like less of?

Any other suggestions?

Thanks in advance for commenting today. :)

And more importantly, THANK YOU for reading...you guys are awesome, and I truly, truly appreciate every single one of your visits.

Until Monday...

XOXO 

Image credit: CraftGawker.com via Frances Massey on Pintrest.

Read More
Creativity, Writing Kristen Creativity, Writing Kristen

750 Words, And Some Thoughts on Taking a Little Time for Myself

I love this time of year, after Labor Day, back-to-school time...it always feels like such a fresh start. And something I've been thinking about doing...now seemed like the perfect time to begin.

There's a book about creativity (The Artist's Way) I read ages ago that talks about the fact that to be creative, it's good to get all the garbage out of your mind. So if you write three pages in the morning about whatever it is you're thinking about (a page typewritten is 250 words), you can do better from a creative standpoint during the day.

I used to do this, write longhand, but haven't in a long time, not since I got pregnant with the babies at least.

But a little while ago, I heard about 750words.com, and thought it might be fun to do this on the computer.

Of course it took me a while to start because:

a) I'm really good at not letting myself do fun things that are just for me, and

b) What mother has time for such things? and

c) I'm not doing anything creative right now except for blogging due to lack of time, so is the whole 750 words thing really necessary?

But I started. A few weeks ago. And I'm not doing it every day, but that's OK. And it doesn't take that much time--a lot less time than I thought it would--turns out, I can write 750 words in about 12 minutes. 

And there's a lot in my head that needs to get out, with babies and work and my husband job hunting and us potentially moving and family drama and etc...

And also, I'm starting to think about how taking some time to write again might not be such a bad idea. I've given up pretty much everything to be 100% focused on these babies, and I've loved every minute of it. But in the long term, it's probably better to have a little balance, you know? Like maybe working on my books a couple nights a week after the babies go to bed, so I'm not talking anything away from them...

XOXO

Read More
Writing Kristen Writing Kristen

It's My 1-Year Blogoversary!

Hi Everyone!

So excited to say that as of today, my blog is 1 year old!

Last fall, I'd been working in Boston, and I'm not sure how it started, but I was thinking it might be fun to have a blog. I tried really hard to talk myself out of it, you know, "There are already plenty of blogs out there." "What do you have to say that a million other people haven't already said?" "Blogs were cool 10 years ago...you are so behind the curve." Etc.

But when I got home, and had a few free days on my hands (and needed to do something just for me, not for the corporate machine), I decied to go for it. And I'm so glad that I did.

Blogging has been so incredibly fun.

I've met so many amazing people...that's the best part by far.

It's made me really pay attention to what's going on in my life.

It's made me happier, no question.

And I'm really grateful to have such a nice record of all the things that have happened over the past year. A few highlights:

Finally, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has stopped by, read, left comments, encouraged me, been so kind to me and made this endeavor such a huge success! Y'all are the absolute BEST, and are what has made blogging exceed my wildest dreams and expectations.

Here's to year #2, which should be full of transitions, and lots and lots of happiness.

XOXO

 

Image credit: Sweet & Saucy Shop.

 

Read More
Creativity, Writing Kristen Creativity, Writing Kristen

Plans to Bring Some Creativity Back Into My Life

So I work in a creative field, which is great, but I also like to do a variety of creative stuff on the side, just for me. Stuff that's been HARD to do while going through IVF (read: for the past 18 months or so), because I find the extra time for all the appointments, my clinic being out of town, the dugs making me crazy, and just the general stress and anxiety associated with IVF...I just don't have anything left.

But I'm pregnant now (knock on wood). And granted, morning sickness and exhaustion may put a kink in these plans, but I really want to try to make an effort to do some creative things on a personal level again.

Writing

One of my New Year's Resolutions for this year was to finish a bunch of short pieces that I've written and send them out for publication. This hasn't gone so well. Partly because of the IVF distractions detailed above, but also because I don't like short pieces. I don't like reading them. I don't like writing them. I've been trying to work with short pieces because they're the logical thing to work on/try to get published to build my career as a writer, but it's not what I love. What I love is books. Big, long, sprawling projects, where I don't feel so hugely confined, like I do when I try to write something short. So I'm going to let the short pieces go.

Instead, I have a book in my head (actually, some of it's already down on paper). It's about San Francisco, where I lived for seven years, young and just out of school, during the first dot com boom/bust. A lot of interesting stuff happened there (I think that's really true of anyone who's lived in San Francisco.) What I want to write is kind of a love letter to the city, written in a very unusual style (eg, not straight narration). I don't know how to explain it, other than this book just needs to be written how it wants to be written. I've been thinking about this book for a couple years, and even if no one else ever wants to read it, it's the type of book I would love to read. If it comes out the way I hope that it does, it is going to be so cool.

I'm committing some time each day to work on it, Monday through Friday. I would LOVE to have this book all down on paper before the baby comes.

I'm also going to hook up with a group of local writers I've worked with in the past...we critique each other's work and there is nothing more motivating than a group of people expecting work from you.

Photography

I know what I'm doing when it comes to writing a book (the San Francisco book will be my fourth.) I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to photography. It's fun to be a beginner!

I'm taking an online workshop over the next 6 weeks, and I'm so excited about it! I have a fancy camera, but don't really know how to use it...am just using it as a point-and-shoot and would like to change that. I'm taking the course because I don't learn very well from manuals, and also, as above, I'm very motivated by people expecting things from me.

So I just wanted to put it out there that I'm trying to get back the creative side of my being. Again, fingers crossed that morning sickness/exhaustion doesn't thwart these plans...

Hope everyone has an amazing weekend! 

XOXO

 

Read More
Creativity, Work, Writing Kristen Creativity, Work, Writing Kristen

Writing/Creativity: Check Out This Post

Today I want to link y’all out to a blog post by Austin Kleon (discovered via {this post})--entitled “How to Steal Like and Artist (And 9 Other Things Nobody Told Me).” You can access his post/presentation by clicking {here}.

A couple things really stood out for me:

First, he talks about "writing the book you want to read/writing what you LIKE" (vs what you KNOW, which is what all writers are told at one point or another). (And if you paint or make music or blog, etc, substitute the correct verb for those activities…it applies just the same.)

Right now and I think a lot this summer, I’m working/going to be working on this weird little collection of non-fiction stories from the seven years I lived in San Francisco (1996-2003). This is exactly what I’m doing with these stories. It’s a book I wish I could find and devour. I’m also not liking reading fiction much these days, although I keep thinking of going back to it in my writing. But I really want to read and write nonfiction at the moment, so I should probably just go with that vs fighting it. And I keep worrying about how I’m writing about San Francisco, because it's a kind of experimental form, the structure's weird (read: not as commercially viable as it would be if I were writing it straight). But I like reading things like what I’m writing, things that don't necessarily follow the normal linear model. And it’s how this book wants to be written, so…

Love this quote:

“The best way to find the work you should be doing is to think about the work you want to see done that isn’t being done, and then go do it.”

The other thing that really resonated with me was Mr. Kleon’s stating that "creativity is subtraction."

“It’s often what an artist chooses to leave out that makes the art interesting. What isn’t shown vs what is.”

Again with my San Francisco stories, I’m leaving a lot out. They’re very short and spare, ask people to work hard reading between the lines. I’ve been wondering if that’s a good strategy. It’s nice to hear from someone that leaving things out is a viable, even desirable option. (Not that I need someone to tell me how to write this book. It's just nice to have some external validation every once in a while, you know?)

Anyway, hope y'all enjoy!

XO

Oh, and PS, his slides are AWESOME…light on text, lots of pictures, used to get across the big idea, vs the PowerPoint slides you often see, with tiny text and tons of bullets…the worst. I do slide presentations for work sometimes and my philosophy (nicely illustrated by Mr. Kleon’s slides) has been hugely influenced by a book called {Presentation Zen}. If you do presentations, I highly recommend checking it out.

 

Image credit: {Austin Kleon}.

Read More
Family, Writing Kristen Family, Writing Kristen

March Writing Submission

The little story I'm submitting this month is about Connecticut and my grandmother and kind of motherhood in general. It's a lot more straightforward/less experimental than a lot of my other writing tends to be these days, but maybe that's a good thing. This is a portion of my grandmother's house in North Haven, Connecticut. Love it there...it's so peaceful and beautiful.

So one of my New Year's Resolutions is to actually SUBMIT all the little bits of writing I've been working on, rather than let them languish as .doc files on my computer because they're not perfect enough to send out, or I'm scared I'm not a good enough writer, or whatever else it is that's keeping me from getting my writing out into the world. I'm exhausted late on March 31, but this week I 1) finished a piece I started months ago, 2) decided on where to submit, and 3) submitted. This month's submissions go to:

  • anderbo.com
  • Grist
  • Hayden's Ferry Review
  • Paradigm
  • The Paris Review
  • Passages North
  • Phoebe
  • PMS poemmemoirstory
  • Redivider
  • The Saint Ann's Review
  • Salamander
  • Shenandoah
  • Silk Road
  • The Southampton Review
  • The Southern Review
  • Superstition Review
  • TriQuarterly Online
  • West Branch
  • Willow Springs
  • Zone 3

 Oh, and PS, I've gotten 6 rejections from the 20 journals I submitted to last month, but two of those rejections were handwritten "this isn't exactly right for us but we like your work please send us more" vs the standard form letter. Those handwritten notes are really encouraging! :)

Read More
Creativity, Writing Kristen Creativity, Writing Kristen

Making Things Perfect vs Putting Them Out Into the World

Would love to have a book out in the world vs files on my computer...

So as many of you know, I am a writer. I get paid for the advertising portion of that, but the rest is for pure pleasure--blogging most recently, and longer-term and ongoing, stories and book-length projects, both fiction and non-fiction.

I’m good at making time to write, but terrible about trying to get things out into the world, actually trying to publish pieces. I’m trying to change that (see my New Year’s resolutions), but I’ve been thinking lately about WHY it is that I’m so terrible about that part of the process.

I read an article in the New Yorker over the weekend by Tina Fey, and something she said has stuck with me:

“…it’s a great lesson in not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game…but then you have to let it go. You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute…You have to let people see what you wrote. It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring…”

Maybe this is part/all of my problem: I feel like everything has to be perfect. I don’t know when to let go. My standards are so high, I think it paralyzes me.

Forcing myself to send something out once a month is, I think, a step in the right direction. But I wonder: is there a way to get over that feeling that I’m being judged and that I’m bad if I send something out that’s not perfect? Is it stifling my creativity? Or is it being rash and sloppy to send something out before revising it 100 times?

I want things to flow more freely. This fear that I’m bad if something I send out isn’t perfect has got to go. Maybe I can just experiment with not trying to be perfect? See what happens? Just writing those words feels freeing and fun…

 

Image credit: Emily Carlin.

Read More
California, Writing Kristen California, Writing Kristen

February Writing Submission

I used to live right on the Hyde Street cable car line in San Francisco. Loved it there.

So one of my New Year's Resolutions is to actually send out for publication some of the stuff I've been writing. One of my current projects is a series of memoir-type stories about San Francisco, where I lived for 7 years. The form of these stories is not traditional...each is like a little collection of snapshots, hopefully adding up to more than a sum of it's parts. I love these stories---they're how I see the world--but don't know how commercially viable they are. Only one way to find out, right? So, in a burst of energy and efficiency, I submitted one of these stories, "Cable Cars," to the following literary journals (I list them here as this list may be helpful to other writers; I never know where to send my stuff):

Fingers crossed something comes of it. But even if it doesn't, that's OK...I'm sick of feeling bad about never sending anything out. All I need to remedy that is to actually send stuff.

Stay tuned for March's submission. :)

 

Photo credit: Deeleea.

Read More
Writing Kristen Writing Kristen

Am I Slacking, or Should I Give Myself a Break?

So one of my New Year's Resolutions was to send out for publication some of the little stories I've been writing. I'm pretty good about making time to write, terrible about marketing my work. January's over and I'm already behind on my resolution...was trying to send out something once a month.

I'm trying to decide if this is OK. After all, we were on vacation at the beginning of the month, my father-in-law died in the middle, and I'm in the middle of an IVF cycle now and into February. Plus, I was away from home 19 out of 31 days last month (also blowing my "travel less" resolution). It's no wonder that I can't get anything in the mail. 

But I do wonder if all that's just an excuse. That I need to find time to submit things no matter what else is going on. After all, hopefully before long I'll have a baby (or possibly two), and there's no convenient time to do this kind of stuff once that happens, right?

It's hard to know when to be tough on yourself and when to make allowances.

Read More
Fertility, Travel, Writing Kristen Fertility, Travel, Writing Kristen

New Year's Resolutions

I know I'm a week or so late with these, but here's where I want some change/movement this year. I want to: 

1. Travel less. Way less. Things are already looking bad for this particular resolution, however. Sigh

2. Do everything I/we can to try and get a baby/child into our lives. This is probably going to be the year where it at least becomes clear how things are going to shake out

3. Actually try to publish some of what I've been writing. More specifically: submit one piece each month for publication (multiple submissions per piece)

Wish me luck! And a belated Happy New Year to all my bloggy friends. :)

Read More
Creativity, Hopes & Dreams, Writing Kristen Creativity, Hopes & Dreams, Writing Kristen

My Dream Life, Part 4 of 5: Create Something

I want to do something creative with words.

I’ve been doing a series of dream lives here; see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 if you haven’t already. This fourth dream is something I’m probably already closest to vs the others, and that is to make something creative that involves writing--and more.

I dream of getting a letterpress and learning how to use it. Learning bookbinding. Putting some things together that have writing (the writing is central) and photography, drawing, other things.

And/or, maybe what I put together is digital, and has audio and video besides. But whatever it it, I want the way the writing’s packaged to be as special as the writing itself. And what I put together to go beyond writing. I’m just not sure exactly what that looks like yet.

 

Image credit: katietower.

Read More
Creativity, Friends, Music, Writing Kristen Creativity, Friends, Music, Writing Kristen

What I'm Listening To: Robyn's Body Talk

So my best friend has this cool job in the music business, and one of the benefits of that for me is I get recommendations. One of her latest: Robyn's Body Talk.

“I can’t stop listening to this album,” my friend said to me, and I feel the same way. How is it that I’ve never heard of Robyn? The album: dance-y and pop-y and so very happy. I’ve been listening to it this weekend making Christmas presents, running errands.

The artist herself is interesting, too. She’s been in the music business a long time, and I love that she left her label when they didn’t approve of what she was doing artistically, and has since been releasing her music on her own, so she can do anything she wants to do. Artistic freedom/integrity is something I think about a lot with my writing. It’d be easy to turn to very commercial projects, get them published. Even this blog--I know I could put together a different kind of blog that’s very commercial, if I was trying to get an enormous readership or make money. But my creative projects, I want to do them the way I want to do them, stay true to my vision vs letting somebody else/the obvious money-making needs and wants of the marketplace dictate what I do. I love seeing other people follow that same path (and be successful at it--that’s inspiring.)

Love Robyn’s artistic vision. Body Talk's definitely worth checking out.

 

Read More
Death & Grief, Writing Kristen Death & Grief, Writing Kristen

Do the Benefits of Writing Outweigh the Drawbacks?

So I’ve been writing pretty seriously for about a dozen years now. Here’s a brief history of how that’s gone:

  • I started with short fiction, and had some quick and easy success with publication. 
  • I wrote a short memoir about surfing, which attracted lots of interest from agents, but also lots of requests to change things, which I didn’t want to do. I wanted the book to be how I pictured it, even though I knew that it wasn’t hugely marketable. That project got set aside. 
  • Then, I started on a big fiction project, which was essentially a story about figuring out how to be comfortable in your own skin--how to appreciate what's unique about you, vs trying to be someone else. I was working on revising the first 600-page draft when my brother died. After that, all writing stopped.
  • About a year later, I started writing again, but all I could write about was my brother, which turned into a memoir that's really about friendship more than anything else. I worked on that for several years and it's done; it's written as well as I can possibly write it. I've half-heartedly tried to find an agent for it; need to work much harder at that. Also I can't name the book for the life of me. I feel like once I can give the book a name, everything will fall into place.
  • And since then, a little poetry, which I've decided I don't like writing, some stories about San Francisco, some other fiction pieces and some nonfiction as well. I haven't tried really hard to sell things but I have tried without success, which is discouraging. 

So here's where I'm at with my writing:

  • Writing things is really hard, and not all that fun. But when I finish a piece, I am most times in love with it, and I think that makes the misery of writing worth it. I am not one of those writers who enjoys the process.
  • It's hard to have had a bit of early success and now nothing. Am I not trying as hard? Has the publishing industry changed so much there are no longer the opportunities there were? Have I changed so much that what I once wrote was interesting/marketable and now it's not?
  • I have this nagging fear that writing makes me sad, and if that's the case maybe I shouldn't do it. I think it might make me sad in two ways, first adding an extra thing to do to my already packed day and the stress that comes along with more on my "to do" list (although a solution for that is to work less, which I really and truly am trying to do). Second, fiction or nonfiction, I often write about people and places I miss, which makes me long for the past and feel sad that I can no longer be part of it. That's not healthy. I'm glad I have the memoir about my brother, but writing it was excruciatingly painful (I know I wrote it too soon, I should have let some time pass). Things got better for me surrounding that once I stopped writing about it. Writing about other things doesn't hurt as bad, but it still hurts. I'm so sentimental for the past. 

I know it's kind of heresy to think about stopping writing, but I do think of it sometimes. To give myself more time in the day for other things. Because maybe all the rejection means whatever I once had is gone, and I should stop and save everyone the trouble. Because I don't want to be sad, and anything suspected of making me sad should maybe go out the window.

But here's the bottom line, today anyway: I think the things I write are lovely, even if no one else does. And I want to publish, but it's OK if I don't. Plus, I really haven't been trying that hard or for that long. And I have this gut feeling that my writing's maturing, that I am finding a way to really tell the stories I want to tell. Also, I have a whole list of projects I want to finish.

So for now I'm going to keep on, make time for it. I don't have to do it forever. Today, though, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

I'll be checking in here with my progress. :)

Read More
Writing Kristen Writing Kristen

Phineas and Ferb: Some Lessons on Life and Art

I read Wired so I’m not totally out of the loop technology-wise now that I no longer live in San Francisco (not a replacement for weekly beers with friends doing the newest and coolest stuff, but not a bad substitute). November’s issue has an article by Gavin Edwards about an animated cartoon called Phineas and Ferb, created by Dan Povenmire and Jeff Marsh. The cartoon’s about two geeky stepbrothers who are “fun, imaginative—and smart” and spend each day of their summer vacation “attempting an activity that is (1) unauthorized, (2) potentially hazardous, (3) absurdly impractical and (4) utterly fantastic. Like tying giant weather balloons to the underwater city of Atlantis and brining it to dry land. Or riveting bolts into a hand-built roller coaster—which also functions as a space rocket.”

Lesson 1: “Be smart. Be creative. Have fun. Life is an endless summer—never waste a single day of it.”

A couple things struck me about this article. First is the boys’ philosophy regarding life, as quoted above.

Lesson 2: Good works of art doesn’t always get snatched up immediately.

The other thing I thought was interesting was how the show came into being. Right now, it is wildly, wildly successful. But it was created ten years ago, and at that time Povenmire and Marsh shopped it around Hollywood, and were unable to sell it. They put it away and tried again years later, this time meeting with success.

Lesson 3: It’s good to be in a place where you don’t have to compromise.

What else I really liked was how once the show was picked up, the creators were able to push back as far as compromising their vision. They wanted to do it as they wanted or not at all.

This is why I work in advertising, and how I feel about my writing. I compromise my vision all the time in the advertising world based on the demands of the client. But because I do this, I have total creative freedom in my own writing, because it doesn’t really matter if it sells or not. Povenmire and Marsh “had good jobs to return to if things didn’t work out. They weren’t desperate, so they could afford to stand up to the network on deal-breaker demands.” I’m in that position too, and I’m glad.

P.S. Watched a couple episodes. I’m clearly not the target demographic, but still, pretty dang cute. :)

Read More