Utah and Nevada: Day 1

So today was the first day of my summer vacation with my husband! Yay! A long driving day...we are on our way from Colorado to the West coast, so today was about 12 hours driving all the way across Utah and all the way across Nevada (we're spending the night tonight in Reno). We drove highway 50...billed as "The Lonliest Highway in America," and it was pretty lonely, but more cars than I remember eight years ago when I was first here and remember driving for half an hour to an hour and not seeing a soul.

One of the cool kitsch-y things along Highway 50 is the shoe tree (above). Actually, this is the NEW shoe tree...the original shoe tree was, according to news reports, cut down (vandalism) in January.

The story behind the shoe tree is that newlyweds were on Highway 50 and arguing...one threw the other's shoes into the tree so they couldn't leave, and then they made up and the other reciprocated, and people have been throwing their shoes in the tree ever since.

We didn't leave any shoes, but I love to stop for things like this.

Will post again Monday...camping this weekend with some of my best freinds from college in Humboldt Redwoods State Park in Northern California...absolutely cannot wait!

XO

Southeastern Utah, June 2011

Hi Everyone!

Today I thought I'd post a few pictures of the trip I went on with my dad a week or so ago. We were just gone for four days, as I had to be back for medical stuff, but it was wonderfully relaxing!

The pictures above are from the first day. Top: Sego Canyon pertroglyphs, just outside the town of Thompson Springs, Utah. These images were made by Indians a long time ago (hundreds of years ago? Thousands?). I'd never seen petroglyphs this color before. Bottom: Later we went to Canyonlands National Park outside of Moab, Utah (got the new Jeep out in its' natural habitat).

That night we had dinner at Milt's Stop and Eat. Really cool old diner (actually old, not new trying to look old), and best hamburger I've had in a long time. 

The next day we went south from Moab, to Natural Bridges National Monument, where we did an incredibly long and tiring hike (top). On the way there we saw Newspaper Rock (more petroglyphs; bottom).

That night we had hamburgers again in Blanding, Utah at the Patio Drive-in. My dad said to the cook, "That's the best hamburger I've had in a long time. It's even better than Milt's up in Moab." And the cook laughed and said with a smile, "Well, I KNOW that."

This night and the next we stayed at one of my favorite places in the world, Recapture Lodge, in Bluff, Utah. It's not fancy, but it's so laid back and it's right on the river and everyone there is soooooo nice (lots of European tourists). And there's noting better than their hot tub under the stars after a long day of hiking...

Day 3 clockwise from top: (1) One of the bridges in Natural Bridges National Monument. If you ever get a chance to go, I would highly recommend it...lots of great (though somewhat tough) hiking and the rock bridges are amazing. (2) Anasazi (Indian) ruins in the rock cliffs at Natural Bridges. (3) Valley of the Gods. This is a drive you can do not far from Monument Valley, with the same type of incredible rock monoliths, minus the busloads of tourists. I'd never been here and it was amazing. (4) My dad hiking outside of Bluff. This was one of the first things we did this day...we were in search of a place called Monarch Cave, but ended up on these enormous slabs of rock above it. Still an awesome hike.

And then the last day, before heading home, we went to Hovenweep National Monument, which has incredible Pueblo Indian ruins. Had always wanted to come here and it did not disappoint.

Would highly recommend a trip like this to anyone who's interested...we had the best time.

XO

HSC and HCG Today

Hysteroscopy (HSC) #3 this morning...wow, that hurt...don't know why #2 was no big deal, and my first and third ones were so awful. Hope I never have to have that done again.

But, good news: Everything looks good in there (nothing left from the miscarriage), so no need for another D&C...so relieved. Had blood drawn for another HCG, too, and it is FINALLY below 5 (they would not have let my cycle go ahead had it been above 5). So these two things together mean my cycle is a go! AND that we can go on vacation instead of having to stick around Denver for more procedures.

So tired right now...late to bed last night, as we went to a baseball game (so fun!), and then an 8:30 AM appointment, then a 4 1/2 hour drive home (although my husband drove), and I didn't take the day off work so calls in the car and now I've got a presentation and emails etc. I should have taken the day off, but apparently I think I'm superwoman. Exhausted from all the travel and the valium they gave me for the HSG...just want to curl up on the couch, eat Chinese, watch TV...

So very, very glad for all the good news today! This is the first day in a while I feel like a baby is again a possibility for us...

XO

Medication Starts Today...And Yay! My Appointment Does Not Have to Be Rescheduled

Happy Monday Everyone!

Today I start birth control pills for my FET cycle. So happy that things are actually officially getting started! Also bummed that this is the start of what will hopefully be months of medication (assuming I get pregnant I'll be on drugs through the first trimester)...one of the hard parts about all this for me is all the drugs I feed into my body...makes me feel like I'm not myself. The little breaks from the drugs between cycles have always been such a relief, and now my break is over...

Another bit of good news this AM...I get to keep my appointment tomorrow and don't have to reschedule it (which I thought I might have to because of how they counted cycle day 1)...this is huge, as my clinic is out of town, and I am sooooo anxious to get home. They're doing an HSC to see if the medication I took last week did its' job as far as cleaning out what was left over from my miscarriage...I so hope it worked (although I have a sneaking suspicion that it didn't, as this has been an incredibly easy and light period)...really don't want to do another D&C...

Will report back tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a fabulous week!

XO

So Frustrated With My Clinic...And It's So Hard to Make Plans With Fertility Stuff Going On...

I don't think I'm that high-maintenance of a patient...I don't know, maybe I am...but anyway, my nurse said to call or email on cycle day (CD) 1 and they would give me my calendar/let me know next steps for my FET (tentatively scheduled for July 22). This is my first time doing an FET, so I need some guidance. My period started late last night (which I thought would make yesterday CD1), so I emailed this morning and asked that they contact me.

Nothing.

I know it's the weekend...and I don't need much...I just need to know: do I need to start taking some sort of medication today?

After hours, I called the after-hours line and the nurse I got said, "You don't have a calendar? You don't have instructions? Do you know what protocol you're on?" No to all three.

The after-hours nurse told me that since I got my period late in the day yesterday that TODAY, not yesterday, is CD1. And I don't need to start birth control pills until CD3. So that's good.

But I'm so frustrated by the lack on communication on the part of my clinic. I've been working with them for a year and a half and I picked them partly because they're in Colorado, where I live (although I live 4 hours away), and partly because they have phenomenal success rates. We have frozen embryos that we're going to do FETs with, and then we are done as far as medical procedures. I don't really want to leave my clinic because I feel like the medical care there is amazing, but it's hard to get them on the phone, I'm left in the dark a lot I feel, and no one holds my hand or comforts me or gives me support (with a few rare exceptions). If I could do this all over again, I think I would do better at a clinic where they hold your hand a little more...or at least you know they'll get back to you when they say they will and you don't have to call the emergency after-hours line to get answers from someone who doesn't know you and can't understand why you haven't been informed already.

Also, CD1 being today may mess up our whole schedule...we're over in Denver hoping to leave after my appointment which is supposed to be CD5...which was supposed to be Tuesday...but now CD5 may be Wednesday and we're supposed to drive to the West coast to meet friends on Thursday, which give us no time to get home and pack...but if the appointment on CD5 goes bad we can't go on vacation anyway...

Ugh...it's so hard to make any sort of plans with this going on. This comes first, but still, I'm trying to keep my life as normal as possible while this is going on...

This will all be worth it. This will all be worth it. This will all be worth it.

XOXO

Cytotec Update...And a Sweet Comment from my Husband

Bottom line: Cytotec's not that bad. I took it around 5 PM yesterday and I had a lot of cramping yesterday evening...on a scale of 1 to 10 probably about a 5 or 6 for the pain factor. Nothing a big glass of wine and a heating pad couldn't help. Today, especially this morning, a little achy and crampy and overall just drained, but nothing too bad. No bleeding...my period's supposed to start tomorrow so we'll see how that goes...

Snuggling with my husband this morning, he said, "You've given up so much to have this baby for us." It was such a sweet thing to say. I HAVE given up a lot and been through so very much (as has he)...it's nice for that to be acknowledged. There's so much I want to do that because of all this I don't have the time/energy/money to do...

In the end it will all be worth it. I just have to keep believing that.

XO

Cytotec: What to Expect

So today's the day we start the process of trying to get what's left over from my miscarriage out of my body. Been dreading this, but also anxious to get the show on the road as far as getting my body ready for next steps, you know?

It's almost 5 PM and I've just stuck 800 mg Cytotec inside me. Don't really know what to expect...my clinic didn't tell me anything, and I checked Dr. Google and all I can find is information about using this drug to clear an entire miscarriage out, which sounds pretty bloody and painful from how other people describe it, but I've already had a D&C, so I don't think this'll be too bad. I hope it won't be too bad. But I've arranged things so that I can be mellow (or even stay in bed) in the coming days if need be.

I have an appointment in Denver Tuesday to see if this (the drug) worked. If not, it's another D&C (and my summer vacation to the West coast will probably have to be cancelled. Which will suck. But babies come first.)

I've been feeling down at times since getting back from my trip a couple days ago...I don't know if it's just garden-variety PMS, or feeling sad about the miscarriage. (I've actually been willing myself not to calculate how many weeks pregnant I'd be right now, but I know it's about the time we would have found out the sex of the baby, and God I wish I was all round and cute and pregnant right now, vs fighting to lose the IVF/baby weight I gained so I can start at a better baseline when I start taking drugs again, which is going to be sometime in the next few days. God this weight's been hard to lose.) Or maybe I'm just melancholy because I didn't get enough time away from work, I don't know. 

Fingers crossed this drug does its job. I'll report back with what it's like tomorrow. Already starting to feel a little weird and crampy. Anyone else been through this and have any advice on what to expect?

XO

Travel...Why I'm So Addicted

I read this a few weeks ago, and it says it better than I ever could:

"...that one vacation changed her forever. Of course, perhaps that's the experience we all secretly--and not so secretly--crave when we travel: the chance to be transformed. Henry Miller once perceptively commented, "One's destination is never a place rather a new way of looking at things," but with all due deference to Mr. Miller, to my mind a new way of being is what really makes us head off into the unknown."

--Letter from the Editor, Vogue, June 2011

Image: Indian ruins at Hovenweep, southeastern Utah, June 6, 2011.

The Annual Father/Daughter Trip: A History

Here's my dad and I on the top of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. A couple years ago we hiked from the South Rim to the canyon floor up the other side and then back. About 50 miles round trip. Absolutely incredible...this is something I'll definitely be doing again.So since 2001 my dad and I have done a trip together almost every year...just the two of us. It's always one of the highlights of my year.

Where we've been:

• 2001: Reno, NV
• 2003: Utah and Arizona and Las Vegas
• 2004: Jeeping in the Colorado mountains (this is the trip where I learned how to take my Wrangler off-road. We did some incredibly hard stuff, and my dad made me drive the whole way. Even though I was scared. Even though HE was scared (there was one portion of the trail with a huge drop-off on his side where he got out and walked)
• 2005: We were supposed to go to Seattle together, but my brother/his son had just died, and I couldn't fathom traveling
• 2006: North Carolina Outer Banks
• 2007: Washington's Olympic National Park, Victoria, BC, San Juan Islands
• 2008: Jackson Hole and Yosemite (it snowed like crazy this trip, even though it was early June)
• 2009: Backpacking in the Grand Canyon
• 2010: Memphis and Mississippi (I was initially sceptical of how much fun we could have there, but this ended up being one of my favorite trips)

And this year, it's four glorious days hiking in Utah, starting tomorrow. I've just had a couple brutal work weeks and I cannot tell you how excited I am to be getting out into the desert with no phone, no computer, no obligations...just a girl and her dad hanging out and having a good time.

Back Tuesday. Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! :)

XO

Charles de Gaulle Airport

Really, without question the most beautiful airport ever. The architecture is so incredibly unique...curving and cement outside and then the inside, the ceilings in the concourses are this beautiful high arching wood, an enormous semicircle and the wood is weathered soft like wood patio furniture gets outdoors. Being in Charles de Gaulle is magical, even if you're just connecting and don't actually get to go to Paris. 

Posting this today because my BFF is in Paris this week for the first time. She is ultra-stylish and super fabulous, and Paris has been a life-long dream. So happy she's there. So jealous she's there.

XO Miss Danielle...hope you are having a fabulous time!

{Image Credit: donmcvey via Etsy.}

Finding Beauty in Imperfection

So the circus was in town this past weekend, and we went Saturday night. I live in a small town, so it was a small-town circus. Here's what struck me:

The performers, they tried hard, but there were lots of mistakes. The tiger show, for example, where the tiger tamer tried to get six tigers to lie down in a row, he had to do it twice because the smallest of the white tigers was being ornery and jumped up and disturbed all the others. And the trapeze artists--men in white body suits with red streamers coming off them--one tried to do a triple somersault and have another one catch him...tried three times and never got it. 

I don't think you see mistakes in big-name circuses. But here's the thing. The fairgrounds where the circus was held were absolutely packed. And how many kids had such a happy, magical night that night? And the crowd was totally with the performers...when someone would mess up a trick and then try again and make it, the crowd was so happy for them...probably got more enjoyment out of it than if the performer had done the trick right the first time. And all the performers--they're in the circus. They're making people happy. Living their dream. Who cares if their acts aren't flawless?

There's so much in our culture that tells you you have to strive to be the best and if you're not, you fall short, aren't really worth anything. My whole life has felt like striving and not ending up perfect. This whole fertility thing I'm going through right now is a perfect example, but just one of many.

I guess I have a soft spot for people, for acts, for circuses that aren't perfect, but still go out and engage in life, give it their all. There's something worthwhile in that, for sure.

XO

{Image credit: Sister 72.}

Summer Fun List

The Grand Mesa is the country's (or maybe the world's?) biggest flat top mountain, and it's right in my backyard. My parents have a canoe and I bet they can be persuaded to take it out on one of the many lakes up there...

In honor of the official start of summer, ten things I want to do before Labor Day rolls around:

1. Eat a fresh strawberry ice cream cone at Enstrom's (I'll probably have more than one, to be honest) 
2. Watch a drive in movie in Delta (this is apparently one of the last drive in movie theaters in the country)
3. Go swimming in Highline Lake
4. Picnic
5. Play bocce
6. Have a fire and make s'mores
7. Canoe in one of the lakes on the Mesa
8. Sunbathe (I know, I know, it's bad for you, and I won't do it a lot...it just feels soooo good to relax in the sun...)
9. Eat lots of local corn and peaches...in fact, when they're in season, I may eat little else...
10. Ride the rides at Elitches

So glad summer is here! :)

What's on your list? Very curious to hear...

XO

{Image Credit: hojaleaf.}

FAQ Fridays: FET Update

Medicine for my FET arrived today...a bigger box than I was expecting...

So, what's happening?

As many of you know, I'm getting ready to (hopefully!) do a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in July.

Is this your first FET?

Yes, but there's been a lot of other stuff leading up to this point.

What have you had to do to get ready?

I've done a lot in the past two weeks, from scheduling/going to doctor's appointments, working with the nurses at my clinic to get my FET schedule put together/figured out and order all sorts of medications, getting records faxed from my local doctors to my clinic, paying for the procedure...it's been a lot. At times it's felt like a full-time job. I'm also doing lots of stuff every day (eating right, exercise, etc) to get as healthy and happy as possible before the procedure starts.

What's next?

Here's the breakdown of what's going to be happening over the next few weeks:

• Week of May 30: Aside from one doctor's appt., hoping to be blissfully free of anything fertility-related
• Week of June 6th: Take medication to hopefully expel whatever's left over from my miscarriage. Ugh...does not sound like fun. The day I start my period is officially Day 1 of the process. Start FET drugs
• Week of June 13: Back to Denver to see if the medication worked (another hysteroscopy). If it didn't work, another D&C. Hopefully I can continue with the FET if this happens, but I'm not sure. Just hoping right now that it's not necessary. FET drugs continue...
• Week of June 20: HCG testing...this is the hormone they usually test to see if you're pregnant...it has to be below 5 and mine last week was 7...if it's not below 5 at this check I guess everything gets stopped. FET drugs continue
• Week of June 27: FET drugs continue
• Week of July 4: FET drugs and lab work
• Week of July 11: FET drugs and lining check (to make sure my uterus is looking hospitable)
• Week of July 18: FET drugs, lab work and transfer day that Friday!

How are you feeling?

Excited. Grateful that we get to do this.

On the other hand, I'm really tired of dealing with medical stuff...trying to get pregnant has in a lot of ways taken over my life, and I'm struggling with that. Just worn down from it. Trying hard to keep everything as normal as possible in the midst of all this.

What else do you have to do to get ready?

I think I'm as ready as I can be...at this point, just need to show up on the appointed days for the appointed things and pray, pray, pray that I get pregnant again, and this time get to keep the baby/ies.

Hope everyone has a fabulous Memorial Day Weekend!

XO 

What I'm (For the Most Part Not) Reading

Hi Everyone!

Today we've got another little installment on what I've been reading (or, more accurately, not reading). Why am I having such a hard time getting into books lately? Is it permanent? Is the fertility stuff weighing too heavily on my mind? Am I too busy and it's hard to sit and relax and read? I don't know, but I used to loooooove reading, and I'm going to keep trying. Maybe some nice warm summer weather and some free time to lounge on our back patio will make a difference.

I'm still on my library kick, which may also be why I'm not making a huge effort to read a book all the way through if it doesn't catch my attention (I didn't pay for it, I don't feel as much of an obligation).

Here's how things went with my current stack of books:

• 29 Gifts, Cami Walker. My mom gave me this book on Mother's Day (how sweet of her is it to give me a gift on that day?) It's the only one in the pile I actually read. The writing/book itself was OK, but what I really liked was the idea behind it...that if you give gifts (doesn't have to be things that cost money) every day it will put you in a place of abundance and gratitude. It's a cool idea to consciously give a gift every day for 29 days...something I'd like to try. Pages read: All.
• Still Life With Chickens, Catherine Goldhammer. The subtitle of this book is 'Starting Over in a House by the Sea,' and, I don't know, I thought it would be about moving somewhere cool and home renovation and finding your way in a new world. But instead...it was about chickens. Which shouldn't have surprised me, granted, but there was way too much chicken for me to keep reading...I just wasn't that interested. Pages read: ~50 and then I skimmed the next 50, but there was no end to the chickens in sight.
• Salt: A World History, Mark Kurlansky. I thought I'd really like this book, but it ended up being kind of dry. Pages read: 35.
• Stuart: A Life Backwards, Alexander Masters. Really cool writing and a really cool set-up (the narrator is telling someone's [Stuart's] biography, but from when he met Stuart back to Stuart's childhood, so you have to stick around in theory and see what happened to make Stuart so messed up). I'm not sure why I put this down...maybe I just found it depressing reading about someone who was homeless, in and out of prison, had such a hard life, that's what this book was about and I need shiny happy things right now, I think. Pages read: ~100.
• The Carrie Diaries, Candace Bushnell. My BFF recommended this book and I usually love what she recommends, but this I just couldn't get past a certain point. Too frivolous, I think, although I usually don't shy away from frivolous if I'm in the right mood. I will say I read the first few chapters relaxing with a glass of wine and that was nice, but after that first night, could not get into it. Pages read: 144.
• The Women, T.C. Boyle. Didn't even get to this and it's time for my library books to go back...maybe I'll check it out again. Pages read: 0.

As always, reading recommendations are welcome. :)

XO

What I'm Listening to: The Foo Fighters Wasting Light

Love, love, love the Foo Fighters. (And Dave Grohl is my celebrity crush.) Their new album, Wasting Light, is all I've been listening to for the past week or so, and it is AMAZING. Love.

One of my best concert experiences ever was in the fall of 2005. My lovely friend Clayton took me down to LA to see a benefit concert for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, and Dave Grohl played an acoustic set. I don't remember the venue, but it was one of those cool old music venues in LA, small and ornate and it was like a Tuesday night or something and the place was PACKED. Halfway through the set someone yelled out "'Skin and Bones'!" and Dave Ghrol said, "How the F@#! do you know about 'Skin and Bones'?" (He'd just written it, it had yet to be released.) And then he proceeded to play it, in all its haunting beauty. He also played 'Friend of a Friend,' which is about Kurt Cobain, also something that had yet to be released, also so sad and so beautiful.

This was in the recent aftermath of my brother being killed. I'll always remember that night as a little pool of light in my (at the time) dark, dark, dark world.

Love the Foo Fighters. Love that music can make me so happy.

XO

Good News From the Chiropractor

There were alpacas hanging out in a field on the way to my chiropractor appointment (his office is on the north side of town, which is more rural)...alpacas are sooooooo adorable.

So I went to the chiropractor that my yoga teacher recommended today...I told him (the chiropractor) I was feeling hugely depleted after the pregnancy/miscarriage, and wanted to be as healthy as possible for the upcoming FET. He did his assessment and then sat me down to talk with me.

"You know," he said. "You're pretty darn healthy already, and I don't usually say that to people."

That made me sooooooo happy to hear, because I've been trying soooooo hard.

Here are some other things he said to me: 

• That I am VERY sensitive to caffeine, and should avoid it completely...even the tiniest bit of chocolate every once in a while is off limits, which is really no big deal...I'm not a huge dessert person 
• He said usually he'll assess a person and give them dietary recommendations (eg, low carb, vegetarian), because their body is really sensitive to things. "You," he said, "Your body's not picky. Pretty much anything you want to eat, as long as it's healthy"
• He did say when I eat meat to make sure it's meat that's hormone-free
• And he asked me to eat as much kale, collard greens and broccoli as I can
• And to eat cold water fish (wild not farm-raised) 8 oz a week
• AND, he told me my body is sensitive to electromagnetic fields, so not to sit with a computer on my lap when we're doing the FET/if I get pregnant. Which is something I've thought about...I'm on the computer essentially all day for work and my preferred way to work is in a comfy chair with my laptop on my lap. When I was pregnant and spending a lot of time in bed, it would have been comfortable to rest my laptop on my belly, but I was very careful not to do that. I Googled it and couldn't find any studies/information showing laptops were harmful, but still felt uneasy about it. "Laptop on your desk, as far away from your uterus as possible," is what my chiropractor said, and even though it's outside my normal routine, what I'm going to try and do. 

Glad I went...good to hear some new ideas for healthy things for me to do, and it was so nice to go to someone and hear them say I'm doing pretty well health-wise...gives me a little boost of confidence that certainly doesn't hurt. :)

XO

{Image credit: Muffet}

Poppies Make Me Happy

My favorite plant that we have in our gardens is the poppy I planted the summer we moved in. I love the color of these flowers, I love the shape, I love the green fuzziness of the pods. I think I feel so attached to poppies partly because when I was a little girl, there was a huge field of them down the meadow from the little log cabin where we lived.

There were one or two poppies in our garden last week, but I looked out the window this morning as I was fixing my herbal tea and they had gone crazy overnight. Yay!

Last year I was traveling to Boston for work a lot, and there was one week where it became apparent that they needed me the following week, too. I flew all the way home to Colorado for a day and then back the next, to see my husband, sure, but also beacuse the poppies were blooming and I didn't want to miss them entirely. Ridiculous, I know, but that's how much I love poppies.

Hope everyone has a great week!

XO

Hysteroscopy Today...And Not the News I Wanted to Hear

Happy Friday, Everyone!

So my husband and I drove over to Denver and back today for a few procedures at the clinic...unbelievable the snow in the Colorado high country...a serious blizzard going on up there on the way home...crazy for late May.

Anyway, they did another ultrasound, which was fine, and then they did the hysteroscopy. I've been talking this week about how scared I was to have this done, because the last one I had was excruciatingly painful. I had a valium this time, and it pretty much didn't hurt at all...some mild cramping, but no big deal. Does a valium really make that much difference? Or was something not quite right about how the first one was done? (Same doctor both times.) There was a LOT of blood the first time, and nothing today, so I have to think the procedure itself had something to do with it. Anyway, I'm happy to report that a hysteroscopy doesn't have to be awful. Which is good, because I'm going to need another. Sigh.

What I wanted to hear the doctor say today was: "Yay! Everything looks perfect in there! Your FET is a go!"

Instead what he said was: "There's still something in your uterus." (He didn't quite say what...part of the baby still? I don't know.)

Anyway, the plan is to give me some sort of drug before my next period to help me expel whatever it is (major cramping will supposedly ensue), then to come back for another hysteroscopy, and if it's still not out they'll have to do another D&C. But they also want to keep moving forward with the July FET, and assume everything is going to be OK unless proven otherwise. That part is great news.

Not really upset about this new development...just kind of resigned overall at this point. 

We're staying home from our Vegas trip we were going to go on this coming week, to get everything sorted out, which is a bummer, but we'll go later in the summer.

Oh, and can I please have doctors quit telling me that I can't take baths or swim in a pool or have sex for X number of days or weeks? Every time I go to the doctor it feels like they do some procedure to me and then give me those instructions. So tired of the endless restrictions...

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

XO

Getting Healthy for IVF

Wheat grass shots: my latest obsession.

Hi Everyone!

So I've been thinking a lot about what I can do to get as healthy as I can for my upcoming IVF procedure (FET in July). As many of you know, I've just recently come off being pregnant for three months, and after that I have just felt like my body was incredibly depleted (especially because I had such bad morning sickness and ate like crap for most of that time...well, it wasn't like I was eating Oreos 24/7, but bread and cheese and bean burritos were just about all I wanted. And popsicles. I had a huge aversion to vegetables, but my mom made me lots of vegetable soups, which I could stomach, so maybe I didn't do too bad).

The other thing is I gained about 15 pounds with my last round of IVF and the pregnancy. I've lost a little of it, but not nearly as much as I would like...would like to get back to as close to my normal weight as possible before starting all this up again, but that is secondary to getting my body healthy and strong.

I've been reading a book called The Fertile Female, which I'm not sure whether or not to recommend. I tried reading it about six months ago and couldn't get into it. Picked it up again after my miscarriage and am doing better with it, but still haven't finished it. But there is one piece of advice in there that I really like and have been thinking about a lot. The author says that there's no one-size-fits-all prescription for getting your body in the best place possible for a baby; rather, if you listen to your body and what feels right to you, you'll know what to do.

My big thing in trying to figure out what's important for me to incorporate and what's not has been time. I wish I didn't have a job and other obligations and could make getting healthy a full-time job...go see all sorts of alternative healing practitioners, go to yoga and hike every day, meditate, visualize, cook orgainc meals from scratch breakfast, lunch and dinner, etc. But working full time and with all the traveling I'm going to be doing, that's just not realistic. I only have so many hours a day I can devote to this, you know?

That said, here's what I'm making a priority:

Diet

• My big goal is to replenish my body, and key to that is eating as healthily as possible. Vegetables and fruits and meats, as much of it organic as possible. Eggs. When I do grains I'm trying to do whole grains.
• NO sugar, NO white flour, as few processed foods (eg foods that come in a box) as possible (well, I am allowing myself one small dessert once a week. That mini Blizzard I had last night was YUMMY)
• No caffeine (mostly because it's really painful for me to withdraw from it, so I figured since I was off it from being pregnant, I may as well stay off)
• A vegetable bag a day. They used to sell these at one of the delis down the street from my old office in San Francisco; now I make my own. Essentially what it is is when I go to the store I buy a ton of extra fruits and veggies, wash them all, and divide them evenly into 7 bags for the week. So in a given bag I may have an apple, a carrot or two, a handful of sugar snap peas, a handful of tomatoes, a few radishes, a pepper (which I cut up the day of), a piece of celery. The bags are different every week. I just snack on the vegetables raw. That way I know I'm getting enough of them
• Wheat grass shots. Supposed to be extremely nutritious and there's a little shop that makes them just a few minutes away. I figure they can't hurt
• A little bit of wine. I don't drink a lot, but a glass of wine with dinner is such a nice little luxury. I've been on the fence over whether to cut out alcohol completely...and I will do so as soon as my actual cycle starts, no question, but for now I've decided that the treat and relaxation benefits of a glass of wine win out 

 Exercise

• Bikram (hot) yoga is my major thing at the moment. I essentially did nothing but short easy walks the whole time I was pregnant, and it's so good to get my body feeling strong and flexible again. I'm trying to go 6 days a week, although I'm going to have to be flexible with the traveling we're doing and just do my best
• The other thing I'd love to do every day is hike...I think the cardio is so good for me (and will certainly help me lose the weight I'm trying to lose), and being out in the fresh air and sunshine I think is great for me as well. But I don't have time to hike AND do yoga every day, so my goal is two hikes a week (and good long ones when I go...1-2 hours each)

 Other

• I think massage is so healthy and relaxing for me, and have been trying to go once every other week
• There's a chiropractor that my yoga teacher recommended that I'd love to get to go see...
• I've been trying to meditate, even for just a few minutes every morning, but I'm so terrible about it. Need to keep trying...
• Generally trying to get enough sleep, spend time with friends and family, and relax and have fun and be happy. When I got pregnant this winter was shortly after an extended vacation, and I have the suspicion that being relaxed from that helped (and am trying to duplicate that feeling with some trips this summer). Also, I went to an acupuncturist last summer who told me the reason I wasn't getting pregnant is that I wasn't happy enough, and while I was really bothered by that assessment, it's still on my mind, and it doesn't hurt to try my best to be happy. I'm feeling a lot better (happier) than I was last summer overall, anyway, so maybe this summer's my time...

Would love to hear what others are doing (or skipping) along these lines...

XO

{Image credit: James Cridland.}

Tasks for a Rainy Day

My irises are blooming this week...aren't they lovely? We've had so many flowers this spring...A rainy Wednesday...we've had such a wet spring...but a good time to stay indoors and: 

1) Work--work is crazy right now...and we're traveling to Las Vegas Sunday for the week to see my mother-in-law, so trying to get ahead so I can have some fun while I'm there...

2) Schedule medical appointments--feeling much more on top of things than I was yesterday. Have pretty much everything I need done scheduled. My husband and I are driving to Denver and back Friday for testing (4 1/2 hours each way...bummer we have to do that). Oh, and by the way, the HSC I'm having done is the painful test I was afraid I was going to have to do, but I asked my nurse what they could do to help and they're going to give me a valium. My mom said ask for what you need, and I did, and I'm glad...thanks, Mom! :)

3) Schedule summer plans--we're going to be traveling an incredible amount between now and my FET...this is kind of my normal state of being (I can work from anywhere, which makes this possible) and it's WONDERFUL in that I'm going to get to go to so many places I love and see so many people I love, but on the other hand I'll be working and it's a little bit harder to work on the road, and a little hard for me to be away from home in general. I love to travel, and given a chance I will schedule trips like crazy, but I also love being at home and miss it when I'm gone.

Not TOO many logistics to plan, because a lot of this we're doing as road trips and staying with friends and/or camping, but there are still little details. And big details, like I'm going to need blood drawn and labs on the road, and have to figure out how to accomplish that.

Where we're going between now and July 22:

• Denver (just for the day, so not sure this even really counts)
• Las Vegas to visit my mother-in-law
• Colorado mountains to visit my brother
• Utah hiking and camping with my dad
• Humboldt County CA, Oregon, Seattle, Vancouver, seeing a TON of friends
• Santa Barbara for a fabulous wedding, and to see more friends
• Denver for the transfer...yay!

It's going to be fun.

Feeling better and more organized as all the medical/travel logistics fall into place.

Hope everyone's having a good Wednesday. :)

XO