"Youthful Wonder"

Every second I spent surfing was filled with wonder...

A few lines at the end of an article in this week's (November 28, 2011) New Yorker have spent an inordinant amount of time in my brain the past days. They're from a profile of Peter Thiel written by George Packer entitled "No Death, No Taxes: The Libertarian Futurism of a Silicon Valley Billionaire:"

"An appetite for disruption and risk...reflects, in part, a sense of immunity to the normal heartbreak and defeats of a deadening job, money trouble, and unhappy children dealt out to the "unthinking herd." Thiel and his circle in Silicon Valley may be able to imagine a future that would never occur to other people precisely because they've refused to leave that stage of youthful wonder which life forces most human beings to outgrow." 

Youthful wonder...which for me I would define as waking up every day feeling like everything is ahead of you and possible, that you're lucky to be living the life you're living, and that there is so much beauty and goodness in the world...I had that for so long. Was it living in California? Surfing? Being able to spend so much time with my little brother, whom I adored? Not living a very conventional life, in terms of being married and divorced young (before most of my friends even got married at all), not having kids, not working a regular job but instead freelancing and traveling, not having any money trouble to speak of? Some combination?

All I know, is that between my brother being killed, me leaving California (directly related), not being able to surf any longer (also directly related), and I don't know if buying a house and getting married for real this time and having money stress mostly related to all the rounds of IVF we did and all the heartbreak involved in trying to have a baby and I don't know what else...I feel like that wonder...if it's not gone, certainly big parts of it have seeped away. Even though I have a terrific marriage, and these babies on the way, which is what I've wanted for so, so long...

Is the loss of wonder just part of growing up? (Which took me way longer to do than the average person...I pretty much acted like a teenager up until a few years ago.)

Or is there some way to hold onto it (or bring it back)?

I miss it...

XO

Image Credit: GAESSrhymeswithFACE via Etsy.

Let's Talk About Happy Things, Shall We?

Good Lord, it's been depressing around here this week. Thanks, everyone, so much for all your comments and support over the past couple days. Let's balance things out today by talking about little bits of happiness, shall we?

• Yes, I'm already dreaming about the nursery. I love the mix of prints in the picture above. I have these big dreams of sewing all sorts of stuff for the babies' room, but I'm famous for having homemaking dreams that never quite make it to reality. It's so hard to find the time...
• My blood draw yesterday shows my hormones looking good...am continuing the weaning-from-the-meds process...
• Do any of you get Vogue delivered? Have you seen the September issue? I'm not supposed to lift anything over 10 pounds, and I think this might qualify. Insomnia's going to be a little more fun around here for the next night or two...
• I've been trying to get out for a walk in the early mornings this week, and the weather's been perfect...cool and lovely...and I live in an old historic downtown neighborhood that's got lots of interesting things to see...I never walk around my neighborhood...I'm always out to the wilderness for a hike but that's not really in the cards right now...the alternative has been really nice...
• I just agreed to send out 25 pages to my writing group in a few weeks. Which is great, because it guarantees I'll actually get something done
• My husband loves me :)
• I'm playing hooky from work tomorrow to meet up with a college friend who's here from California...staying in Denver...we're going to meet near Vail, which is halfway, and I can't wait. My freelance/telecommuting job is awesome, because I can say, "I'm tied up on Thursday," and that gets planned around, no questions asked

Hope everyone's having a great week!

XOXO

Image Credit: On to Baby via Diaper Style Memories.

The Annual Father/Daughter Trip: A History

Here's my dad and I on the top of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. A couple years ago we hiked from the South Rim to the canyon floor up the other side and then back. About 50 miles round trip. Absolutely incredible...this is something I'll definitely be doing again.So since 2001 my dad and I have done a trip together almost every year...just the two of us. It's always one of the highlights of my year.

Where we've been:

• 2001: Reno, NV
• 2003: Utah and Arizona and Las Vegas
• 2004: Jeeping in the Colorado mountains (this is the trip where I learned how to take my Wrangler off-road. We did some incredibly hard stuff, and my dad made me drive the whole way. Even though I was scared. Even though HE was scared (there was one portion of the trail with a huge drop-off on his side where he got out and walked)
• 2005: We were supposed to go to Seattle together, but my brother/his son had just died, and I couldn't fathom traveling
• 2006: North Carolina Outer Banks
• 2007: Washington's Olympic National Park, Victoria, BC, San Juan Islands
• 2008: Jackson Hole and Yosemite (it snowed like crazy this trip, even though it was early June)
• 2009: Backpacking in the Grand Canyon
• 2010: Memphis and Mississippi (I was initially sceptical of how much fun we could have there, but this ended up being one of my favorite trips)

And this year, it's four glorious days hiking in Utah, starting tomorrow. I've just had a couple brutal work weeks and I cannot tell you how excited I am to be getting out into the desert with no phone, no computer, no obligations...just a girl and her dad hanging out and having a good time.

Back Tuesday. Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! :)

XO