"Up in the Air"
Great movie, watched it for the second time last night and there are a couple of lines in it that I think are really profound.
First:
The movie's about a guy who flies around the country and fires people for a living, and he has the following exchange with someone he's firing, trying to show the guy he's firing that being let go from a boring corporate job is not necessarily the worst thing in the world (this is the rough exchange, not a direct quote):
Fire-er: Do you know why kids love athletes?
Fire-ee: No.
Fire-er: Because they followed their dreams. How much did they pay you to first come to work here and give up your dream?
I think it's so sad and so common...so many, many people give up their dreams to go into a respectable corporate career, me included. For me personally, I don't think it makes sense today to totally give up my corporate job, but I can work a lot less hours, and spend a lot more time focused on things I love.
Second:
Same guy is home for his sister's wedding. The groom has cold feet and the brother goes in to talk to him. The thing that he says that makes the groom realize it's going to be OK to get married is something along the lines of:
"Think back to your best memories, the days and times that you really treasure. Were you alone in those memories, or were you with other people?"
The answer of course is, other people, or at least it is unreservedly with me.
I've been thinking about that line since I first saw the movie, and since last night in a slightly different context. I'm in the middle of my 4th and last IVF cycle, and my husband will not be able to be with me for the transfer as he's in college, we need him to miss as little school as possible (our clinic's out of town). My mom would be the logical second choice, but she's in Costa Rica 'til March. So I've been thinking, do I ask a friend to come be with me, or do I go through it alone? Now I know the answer. I have a lovely friend in Denver I'm going to ask...
My Dream Life, Part 4 of 5: Create Something
I’ve been doing a series of dream lives here; see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 if you haven’t already. This fourth dream is something I’m probably already closest to vs the others, and that is to make something creative that involves writing--and more.
I dream of getting a letterpress and learning how to use it. Learning bookbinding. Putting some things together that have writing (the writing is central) and photography, drawing, other things.
And/or, maybe what I put together is digital, and has audio and video besides. But whatever it it, I want the way the writing’s packaged to be as special as the writing itself. And what I put together to go beyond writing. I’m just not sure exactly what that looks like yet.
Image credit: katietower.
My Dream Life, Part 3 of 5: Snowboarding
I wish snowboarding had been big when I was a child, and that my parents had had the money/time/interest to get me on a board as soon as I had the muscle coordination. In my dream I’m a pro snowboarder, at least through my early 20s, and then I get married and have a passel of kids and live in a little A-frame house in the mountains with prayer flags strung over the loft like a house I saw once in Vail. Funny how this dream doesn’t include any sort of education or intellectual success—things in my real life I’ve worked hard to achieve.
How to make this dream a reality? Well, I’m obviously not going to be a pro snowboarder in this lifetime, but that’s OK. I can still have the little A-frame in the mountains. Hopefully a kid or two. A life lived largely out-of-doors (although my husband, though he’ll go with me occasionally, is decidedly not an outdoorsy person, so that presents some difficulties).
My brother who died, he and I always planned to take one winter off together, live on the mountain, snowboard every day. Maybe there’s a way to make that happen. Snowboarding’s one of the very few places I’ve found peace since my brother died, one of the few things I genuinely want to do.
Hopefully this snow season I’ll be pregnant and sidelined. There’ll be many more seasons to come.
Photo credit: Mihai Japan.
A Quote I Came Across Today That Struck Me
"Our greatest weariness comes from work undone."
And, in a weird little piece of serendipity (not bragging, I swear), a short story I wrote back in 2004 was runner-up for the Eric Hoffer award that year. I love little coincidences like this...
My Dream Life, Part 2 of 5: The Whale Watch Motel
The beach just across from the Whale Watch. Heaven.
For years, I’ve wanted to run a funky roadside motel. Like the Whale Watch in Flagler Beach, Florida, the sleepy little beach town where my husband grew up. We stayed there last summer, it’s right on the beach and I have dreams of buying it and completely renovating it, not fancy but cool, something along the lines of the Presidio Hotel in Santa Barbara, where we all stayed while in town for my best friend’s wedding a couple years ago. We may have a little lounge attached to it, too, as I’ve always secretly wanted to be a bartender.
Ah, to live on the beach and run a little hotel with personality. A girl can dream…
My Dream Life, Part 1 of 5: Flowers
There will be roses, always.
I work as a writer: advertising to pay the bills, short stories and novels (and lately, of course, blogging) to satisfy my creative urges. But what I really want to do is own a flower shop. I love flowers, and color, and beauty. I don’t want to do it if the shop itself isn’t exquisite, on the downtown shopping strip of some small- or medium-sized town is what I picture. A cross between modern and sleek and sophisticated and Shabby Chic. I picture having vases and maybe art and sculpture for sale. An espresso machine and pastries in back. An inside sitting area for clients, a tiny walled-in garden with a table and chairs out back. I’d do flowers for restaurants, and put together boquetes for the cool single girls in the neighborhood to take home each week, and men to bring to their girlfriends/wives. I’ll have lovely stationary and paper to wrap the flowers in. And weddings--I love weddings. I’ll make the bride-to-be a cup of tea and we’ll sit outside with the fountain trickling and she’ll show me the pictures she’s ripped out of the magazines and I'll put together the most beautiful arrangements anyone has ever seen.
Sigh. I hope someday I can make it happen. It's possible, absolutely.
Why Blog?
My desk in my home office, where much of this blog will be written.
So last week an idea that’s come and gone for years popped back into my head: “I should write a blog! It’d be fun!”
Quickly followed by: “That would have been cool ten years ago, but everybody’s doing it now.” And: “Why would anyone want to read anything you write, you’re just an average girl.” And: “There’s already not enough time in the day, why would you want to add something else to your schedule?” And: “That’s a stupid idea. Get over it.”
Herein (I think) lies the source of much of my misery: I don’t let myself do what I want to do. I talk myself out of things that sound fun--why, I have no idea. But I’m trying to get ready for another IVF cycle (major fertility treatment), and one of the things I’m trying to do is get myself into as happy a place as possible. Just in case those who say the reason I’m not getting/staying pregnant is because I’m not totally happy, and what baby wants to be with a mom who’s not 100% cheerful all the time? (I’ll have a lot to say on that point of view at some point, by the way.)
Anyway, my “get happy” mandate has somehow helped me brush aside all those negative voices, and hey! Here I am! Blogging! Just because it’s fun! And if I find I don’t like it, I can stop, right? But at least I’ve tried something I’ve thought about doing for a long time, instead of just leaving it on my long list of things I’d love to do.
Yay, me! :)
How Can You Be Happy After Bad Things Happen?
So here's the story:
Girl has childhood with some rough elements. Girl, grown up, does what’s expected of her instead of what she wants. Girl’s first marriage goes down in flames. Girl lives with her beyond-cool baby brother/best friend/soul mate (not sure that's the right word, but don't know what else to use to get across how close we were)--up until he’s killed in an accident. Girl meets and marries fabulous second husband and tries--unsuccessfully so far--to have the baby she’s wanted for absolute-ever.
Girl started out pessimistic by nature, and at this point feels pretty beaten down by life. But girl doesn’t want to be one of those people who wake up in the morning wishing for it all to be over. Instead, she wants to be the kind who wakes up happy and thankful for all the good in her life and all the amazing, beautiful, inspiring things that happen every day.
This blog is intended to document one girl’s attempts--big and small--to get to a happy place.
Welcome to my world. :)