Jeff + Luke

The resemblance between my husband and my son is amazing. Check it out (you can tell which photos are from the '70s by photo quality):

Happy Monday!

XO

Zoey's Diary: Fourth of July

Hi! Hi! Hi!

Mommy said I could tell you guys about our first Fourth of July. You guys! It was so fun! Except there weren't any fireworks because of all the fires in Colorado. I don't know what fireworks are, but Mommy said it's not really Fourth of July without them. She says next year we should get to see for ourselves. I hope so!

Fourth of July was a Wednesday, which means we got to go to Grandma and Grandpa's...we always go over there on Wednesdays. They live in this area called the Redlands, and all along the streets up there there were flags:

Mommy and Grandpa went for a hike like they always do, and we stayed and played with Grandma. Here are some pictures Mommy took on her hike:

Mommy said there's been some construction going on to the west of this lake, and she and Grandpa jumped the fence to see what it was all about. (It was Grandpa's idea, she said.) She says she thinks it was fish ponds, lots of square ponds side by side with rubber lining the steep edges. She says Grandpa's dog Jack and our boxer Newton jumped into one of the ponds and couldn't get out, so Mommy had to go into the pond and help. Mommy says going anywhere with Grandpa is always an adventure!

After the hike, Mommy came back and hung out with us and Grandma, and Mommy took a nap in the hammock with us. Grandma made lunch and we sat on laps while they played Upwords, which Mommy says is Like Scrabble but you can stack letters on top of each other. Grandma and Grandpa are already teaching us how to play. I think they are pretty hard to beat, though...Mommy almost never wins.

After that we went home and hung out with Daddy! Mommy and Daddy took us out to the yard and played with us on the grass. Here's my fourth of July outfit...isn't it cute? It's red, white and blue with the red bow in my hair:

And here's Bub'ses outfit...he got stars and stripes:

Grandma and Grandpa went to the parade, but Daddy said it was too hot for us. After, they came over and Daddy made dinner, teriyaki burgers and all the sides, and red, white and blue parfaits for dessert. Daddy said next year we can have some! Yay!

So that was our Fourth of July. I thought it was pretty great, even without the fireworks. :)

Love,

Zoey

Dear Luke and Zoey (Family Reunion Edition)

One of the first family reunions I remember. I'm in the middle with my arms crossed, cousins Barbie and Mike to the left in the picture. David, June and Judy are top row left and my Uncle Allan is between Mike and Barbie. Connecticut circa late 1970s.

Dear Luke and Zoey,

Last weekend, we had a small family reunion, the "Colorado Relatives." My mom and her brothers and sister grew up in North Haven, Connecticut, but three of the five siblings made their way out to Colorado as young adults. These were the aunts and uncles and cousins your mama spent lots of time with growing up--"just because" visits, and also Fourth of Julys and Thanksgivings and Christmases. They were all so excited to meet you!

You're too young now to remember the stories I tell you, but I have so many stories about all of these people.

Like my Uncle David, who has a Ph.D. in Forestry from Yale, and has for many years lived in and managed his own little forest. I'd tell you about my first memories of him, when he was living in a teepee and had a hole in the ground with a block of ice for a refrigerator. I'd tell you how he'd take me backpacking and cross country skiing, teaching me things like how to feel my way along a trail in the dark, and how to use an avalanche beacon. 

I'd tell you about his daughter, Juniper, a tiny little sprite of a girl in my mind...still so hard to picture her as a grownup. So smart. So like her dad. Her son is 8, and was with us this weekend.

I'd tell you about my cousin Barbie, how as girls at night we'd lay in sleeping bags in each others rooms during visits, laughing and talking about everything under the sun. Her son, who was also with us this weekend, is now 20. She had him at the beginning of her reproductive years, I had you guys towards the end...so crazy that we're the same age and yet there are so many years between our children.

And Barbie's mom, my Aunt Judy, who was always so kind to me, who gave us sweet tea and watermelon when we visited in the summer, turkey and yummy casseroles during the winter holidays. She sang, and going to see her was my first exposure to opera. I'd tell you how one year, I made her an art project out of a board and nails and yarn, and she had it hanging in her kitchen for years and years and years. 

I'd tell you about her husband, my Uncle Allan, who died last year. How he let me use his dark room when I was very young, that chemical smell, no one's ever going to know anymore what with digital photography. He took my interest in photography so seriously.

And I'd tell you about their son, Mike, who was killed in an accident just before he became a teenager. He was a few years older than me. I looked up to him. He used to do magic tricks, and I still have some of his props in my trunk, given to me by my aunt after his death, all these many years later. I was eight or nine when he died, and remember my mother being suddenly gone to be with them, and my dad sitting on the couch, sobbing and sobbing. I still carry Mike, and now his Daddy, with me in my heart.

This family reunion, it was full of croquet and Pictionary, delicious meals, long chats, a folk band on the lawn at a local winery, the moon fat and full, the night warm. It was so lovely to be able to introduce you to these aunts and uncles and cousins, people who have been such a big and sweet and supportive and caring part of my life. I so hope you are able to spend time with them as you grow. 

I'll keep the memories of this weekend alive for you...

Love,

Your Mama 

Luke's Diary: Father's Day Weekend

Hi Mommy's blog readers!

We had such a fun Father's Day weekend...I can't wait to tell you all about it!

On Saturday, we went to our first festival...the Bluegrass Festival in Palisade. Uncle Ben came to visit, and Grandma Charlotte, and Grandma Peggy and Grandpa Steve were there, too. Sissy and I lay on our monkey blanket in the grass and listened to music and there were lots of people to play with us, and when we cried nobody was disturbed because the music was louder. Mommy says music festivals are a good place to bring babies! Mommy and Daddy and Uncle Ben had beers, and everyone ate good food, and Mommy and Daddy even got us tie-dyed onesies...Mommy said it was the perfect day for us to be little Colorado hippie kids! Oh, and Uncle Ben held me for a while and you wouldn't believe all the women that came up to talk with him! I'm going to have to hang out with him more often...he needs a wife so me and Sissy can get some cousins! It was warm and the cottonwoods were letting go of their cotton...Mommy said it looked like snow, but I don't know because I haven't seen snow yet (although I can't wait to see it because Mommy says she's going to take me and Sissy skiing the first chance she gets.)

The next day, Sunday, we spent the day at Grandma Peggy's and Grandpa Steve's, so we could let Daddy sleep in extra long. Here we are in the hammock. Mommy always lays us next to each other...and as often as not we end up all entwined:

We got to meet somebody new, too--Jane, who was visiting Grandma and Grandpa on her way from Nashville to Jackson Hole, where she lives in the summer. Mommy says we're going to get to go to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone when we're a little older. She also said to tell you that Jane blogs here. I liked Jane a lot and so did Sissy!

Daddy finally came over after his nap, so we could tell him Happy Father's Day! Our dad is the absolute best! (And Mommy's not so bad either.)

Here's everyone between dinner and presents, except Uncle Ben had to leave early to drive home. Daddy and Grandpa Steve both got tools, and me and Sissy also gave Daddy stuffed animals, an owl and a piglet, that he can use when he plays with us. 

Father's Day was so fun! I can't wait for next year!

Love,

Luke

Rustler's Loop

Really loving the Wednesday morning hikes I've been doing with my dad.

Two things that are going to be really hard for me to leave when we move--my parents, and all the wide open spaces we've got around here:

XO

"If It's Worth Doing, It's Worth Overdoing"

So I've come to the realization that the last of the baby weight is not going to lose itself, and, thus, austerity measures have been instituted. (eg, no cheese allowed in the house. I miss cheese. No desserts either, but that's not really a big deal for me.)

Also in an effort to lose the weight, and also, to feel more like myself, I've gone back to yoga this week (which has been so great), and have decided that I'm ready for harder hikes.

My dad and I went out Wednesday, six miles, lots of elevation gain, rocky trail, hot. HARD. As my dad always says (and this statement totally shaped my childhood, and who I am today): "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing." We did the same hike about a year ago, and it wasn't hard. This week has really highlighted how far I have to go to get my pre-baby strength back, but that's OK. I love yoga and hiking. And after months of babies 24/7, it's lovely to be reclaiming little bits of my old self (although I do feel a little guilty. But it's OK to take care of the mama, right?)

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for spending some time here this week! :)

XOXO

Graduation

My husband graduated with his engineering degree on a beautiful, sunny Saturday.

He wanted to keep things low-key, so we had a barbecue after, just family.

(In fact, he told me he didn't even need that.

"But I want to make it special for you," I said.

"Every day hanging out with you and the kids is special," he replied.) 

Love the pics at the end with the kids in the graduation hat...

XOXO

P.S. I just realized I don't have any pictures of his mom in here. She was taking the pictures...lovely to have her with us on this special this day...

Up In The Air

This has been a really hard post to write for some reason...I've started it like five times...but today I'm going to write it and hit "publish" so I can maybe quit obsessing over all that's going on...

My husband just graduated from college with an engineering degree (he went back to school on the GI Bill), and a few months ago we though he had found a job in Salt Lake City and that we were set. It was a great job, and I was excited about SLC because it's not far from my family and it's in the West where I feel most comfortable and there's so much great outdoor stuff going on (hiking, snowboarding, etc.)

Well, we found out right around the time the babies were born that that job is not going to happen. We were a lot less upset about it than we would have been otherwise, because we had just had two beautiful healthy babies and figured that's all that really matters, right?

So now my husband is job hunting. Which doesn't really scare me...he's got a great resume and I don't think it's going to be a problem for him to get a job. Plus we're living pretty cheaply right now and there's no financial pressure for him to start working right away. And honestly it's ideal to have him at the house at the moment 24/7...he helps sooooooo much with the twins....ladies who do this on their own, I am in awe of you...don't know how you do it.

So I'm not worried about the job part. The part that is freaking me out a little is the moving. My husband's looking in the town where we live, but it's unlikely that he'll be able to find what he's looking for (it's a small town without a lot of opportunity). He's also looking in Colorado and Utah, either of which would keep us close to family and so wouldn't be such a big deal.

But we're also open to moving away. Maybe somewhere I know I want to go (eg, Seattle). But more likely somewhere I've never lived (right now there's talk of Virginia and Minnesota).

I hate change in general and moving in particular. There's fear surrounding going to a new place. But the biggest thing for me is not living near my family. Especially with the twins...it's really important to me that they are close to my parents. I've actually got a lot of grief tied up in this...it's so hard, and also I don't want to hurt my mom and dad in any way. There have definitely been tears and sleepless nights on my part over this, and my husband and I don't even know what we're doing yet.

Anyway, I'm trying really hard to look on the bright side/focus on the positives, such as:

1. We might end up close by, in which case all this worrying is for nothing
2. My parents like to travel and will come see us (we'll make sure wherever we end up there's a nice place for guests)
3. We can come visit as a family, and I can come for extra visits with the kids
4. There's phone and email and iChat etc.
5. I was VERY close to my grandparents growing up, even though they lived in another state, because my parents sent me to stay with them twice a year (Seattle in the summer, Mexico in the winter) for weeks at a time...some of the best memories of my life...we can do the same with our kids
6. My husband having a job is going to be amazing. We've done fine while he's been in school, but it'll be nice not to have the weight of providing for the family on my shoulders
7. Him having a job also means I can work part time, which is huge, as all I want to do is be at home with the twins (I freelance/telecommute so I can work from anywhere, which is a blessing)
8. A new town/city is going to be cool. I like exploring new places
9. A new house to decorate will be super fun
10. Also looking forward to being somewhere where I can settle in and be a bit more sociable than I've been here. I've had a hard time making friends here, which has never been the case for me. Part of it is when I moved here, I was so overwhelmed with grief over my brother's death that I didn't want to be around people I didn't know well. Plus I traveled a ton for work and pleasure, and got to see a lot of friends doing that, so there wasn't a huge need to make new ones. And I had my parents to hang out with

Anyway, lots to look forward to with this next chapter in our lives, wherever it may take us. And wherever we go, it doesn't have to be forever. That's the other thing...I always worry so much about making decisions like this because I feel like I have to make the "right" decision. But whatever we decide, we can change if it ends up not working for us.

Just trying really hard not to stress about all this and enjoy the here and now, which is me and my husband at home (I have one more month of maternity leave), my parents close by, a beautiful spring-moving-into-summer, great opportunities on the horizon...

The Nursery, Episode 5: Quilts From My Mom

Hi Everyone!

First off, thanks for all your sweet comments on yesterday's post. I'm actually feeling really positive today and not scared...just really trusting that everything is going to be OK, which is so unlike me! :) But a really good place to be.

Anyway, today wanted to share with you the quilts my mom made for our babies (I helped a little, but the vast majority of the work was done by her).

Here is the one for our boy:

And our girl:

My mom gave them to me at my baby shower last weekend, and my friend's 15-year-old niece who was there said that the girl's looked like watermelon and the boy's looked like snow, which I though were really sweet and apt descriptions. 

We have been VERY blessed in the handmade quilt department, with additional quilts coming from my mother-in-law, a lovely friend in Boulder (whose kids I used to babysit for when I was in college), and my BFF's mom. I'll be doing additional quilt posts in the future...the quilts are all so cute and TOTALLY different. Thank goodness we've been told you can never have too many quilts!

Anyway, I think the quilts my mom made are the cutest things I've ever seen. Can't wait until they're wrapped around real, live babies!

Thanks, Mom! :)

XOXO

The Nursery, Episode 4: Curtains

The Nursery, Episode 3: Wall Art

The Nursery, Episode #2: Receiving Blankets

The Nursery, Episode #1: Furniture

Baby Shower #1!

Hi Everyone! Happy Friday!

Thought I'd post a few pictures and stories from my baby shower last weekend! :)

First of all, there was snow, and lots of it. We live on the Western edge of Colorado and were driving over to Denver (4 hours away) on Friday. Were a little worried about the passes, but they were no big deal. But Denver itself had this crazy storm which essentially shut the city down.

We (my husband and I, my brother, my parents, my best friend and her husband who had flown in from Seattle) spent Friday night holed up at my brother's...he lives about an hour outside of Denver up in the mountains in the house where we both grew up. It was fun to be snowed in!

Oh and two super-cool things happened on Friday: First, when I first saw my BFF, she and I were wearing the exact same sweater, which for some reason made me so happy. And second, my parents had an envelope for me, which contained a TOTALLY unexpected inheritance from my grandmother, who died last summer. What a huge surprise. We're looking at it as a gift for our babies, as we're going to place the money in their college funds. 

Here are the icicles at my brother's Saturday morning:

Saturday started with light snow, but it stopped and the sun came out and the main roads all got plowed and it all worked out fine.

The shower was kind of a co-ed happy hour thing at my friend Betsy's Denver home. I know Betsy from San Francisco...we worked together at the ad agency and have worked together on and off in freelance capacities ever since. She's also a very dear friend and has been with me through a lot of this fertility stuff--from going with me to my initial diagnostic appointments, to even putting me up at her house and taking care of me while on bed rest for one of my cycles when my husband couldn't be with me.

She went all out with jungle-themed shower decorations...the whole house was so lovely and festive...unbelievably cute:

Here's me with my fabulous husband right before things got going:

And with my best friend Danielle (who co-hosted the shower with Betsy), and her husband Jason:

I know Jason and Danielle from Santa Barbara...Jason was in a punk band and best friends with my brother Luke, the one who died. After that happened, they (Jason and Danielle) moved in with me for a few months, and essentially took care of me...I was a total mess...I don't know what I would have done without them...

So many people came to our shower...between 30 and 40, with some of my friends even coming from out of town. It was so incredible to see everyone! And so nice to be celebrating something so good and happy. Some of my friends, when we did the "When was the last time we saw each other?" thing, the answer was my brother's funeral...my friends mean so much to me and this shower was so important to me because for a long time I felt like all there ever was around me was sadness...so wonderful to have something happy to celebrate. That's my dad in the middle:

Some interesting things were said to me at the shower. So many people told me I looked great pregnant, and while I'm sure it's mandatory to say that to the mother-to-be at a baby shower, it still made me feel really good, as I just feel so huge and frumpy these days. But apparently I'm not nearly as big as people expected, and am "all belly."

And on a different subject, one of my friends from college told me she always thought I'd be the first of everyone in our group to have children, she always saw me as a mother, said I was so nurturing and loving to everyone around me. Several people I know from my late teens/early 20s have made that same sort of comment, and it's interesting, because I SO wanted to get married and have children young...it just didn't work out that way for a number of reasons and there's no way to go back and change it....so just have to accept it, which is something I'm still working on...

Betsy's husband August made the most fabulous dinner ever (I wasn't even expecting a dinner...like I said, they went all out)...beef tenderloin and salad, cupcakes for dessert...so yummy. Here's the buffet table before all the food came out:

And the gifts...goodness...we got sooooooo many beautiful things; everyone was so incredibly generous. Here's my husband with teddy bears we received, demonstrating how he's going to hold both babies at once. Awww....

And here's Betsy (in black) at the end of the night, and our friend Habeeba who we also used to work with in San Francisco (and continue to work with now...it's so nice to work with your friends). Habeeba came out from Oregon and helped Betsy tons:

So really an incredible party and weekend all around. I feel so, so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Thanks for spending some time here this week. :)

XOXO

Update on 2012-02-24 22:38 by Buttercup

Here a link to my post about Baby Shower #2 for anyone who's interested...

2011: A Look Back

Hi Everyone! Happy Friday!

Hope you all have great New Year's Eve plans! We're laying low, which is fine. Unless we're traveling, I'm not a huge one for New Year's Eve, pregnant or not.

Like most everyone else, the end of the year is always kind of a reflective time for me. Thought I'd share some of what I've been thinking about:

January

We took a belated three-week honeymoon to Europe the end of 2010/beginning of 2011...spent New Year's in Prague (amazing...would do it again in a heartbeat) and the first few days of the year in Venice:

As soon as we got home, we got word that my husband's dad was very sick...we went straight to Las Vegas to be with him, and he died a week later. So hard, but I'm so glad we got that time together.

And then, straight to Denver for IVF #4.

February

The transfer for IVF #4 happened in February...AND we got a BPF! A good solid one, too...all my previous ones had been iffy and ended up being chemical pregnancies. We were so excited!

Didn't feel too bad for the first few weeks, and did some nice easy walks in the Colorado National Monument, which is super close to our house:

March

I was sick, sick, sick with the pregnancy.

We went to Vegas again to see and help my husband's mom. 

Spring started to arrive:

April

We lost our baby, a girl, at 11 weeks 5 days...so close to being out of the first trimester and "safe." It was devastating, but my husband and I were so sweet and loving and supportive of each other. We lay on the couch in the evenings and drank wine and talked and cried. And then when we couldn't cry anymore we watched episodes of "Wipeout" which is the most ridiculous TV show ever...have never watched before or since but somehow the stupidness and silliness was what we needed.

Family and friends were wonderful, too.

And got back to being active, with one quick weekend snowboarding trip with my brother (we took his snowmobiles out into the backcountry...he'd run me up a hill and I'd snowboard down). So fun even though the snow sucked as it was so late in the season.

I also started hiking, including an incredible day trip to Moab with my mom and dad.

One of the places I went a lot in those first few weeks after the miscarriage was Holy Cross trail. When I first moved to the area, I'd stumbled on this cross. Didn't learn until years later that I knew the woman who'd brought it into being, and it was for her lost child:

May

Tried to get my body ready for an FET...the D&C wasn't complete...another trip to Denver and our clinic was needed.

Worked hard to recover physically and emotionally from the miscarriage.

Life went on as normal for the cows across the street from my parents:

June

An absolutely lovely hiking trip with my Dad in Utah. We take a trip together every year...it is just the best:

And more "finishing the miscarriage" shenanigans and another trip to our Denver clinic.

And the start of our summer vacation, driving to the West coast to camp and hang out with tons of friends...so fun and exactly what we needed.

July

Summer vacation continued...from the start: Highway 50 through Nevada on the way out, California, Oregon, Washington, Vancouver, Salt Lake City on the way home. It was lovely. Here's my husband and I at a BBQ with my BFF, Lake Washington, Seattle:

We also went to Santa Barbara for a long weekend to attend a gorgeous wedding, and again got to spend time with lots of freinds...so wonderful.

And...back to Denver for the FET...stayed with my brother which is always great...had my birthday 2 days before the transfer, and on the last day of the month...another BFP! Yay!

August

Did a short camping trip with my brother, but for the most part sick, sick, sick. 

Learned we had twins!

My mother's organic garden was going crazy...

September

Camped again, this time with my whole family:

Still sick, but all was going well.

October

A fun trip to Denver to celebrate our anniversary.

Other than that, laying low with the pregnancy.

The first snow up in the mountains was so pretty (this is at my brother's house, where he and I and my brother who died grew up):

November 

Went with my husband to Mobile, AL and gulf coast Mississippi to check out a potential job. We celebrated his birthday while we were there...so fun, although traveling wasn't all that easy...

And later in the month, Thanksgiving at our house with lots of people. My husband and his mom did all the cooking! :)

December

Holidays at my brother's up in the Colorado mountains. Here's our boxer Newton playing in the snow:

My pregnancy at 25 weeks is still going strong! :)

So, all in all, a heartbreaking year with the loss of my father-in-law and our unborn baby. A year consumed with doctor visits. Lots and lots of travel (which probably won't happen again for some time). Lots of time with freinds and family. And the most joyous year ever, in that we are so close to bringing home two real, live babies--something I wasn't sure would ever happen for me.

A roller coaster year.

Praying that everything--two healthy babies, graduation for my husband and hopefully a good job offer, a possible move to we're not sure where--will go our way in 2012, which should be a year filled with happiness, but will also probably contain a number of huge transitions.

Happy New Year to you all! Blogging has brought me such joy this year--and your presence has been central to that. Thank you for being here, and looking forward to sharing all that will be 2012.

XOXO

Kristen

Grace in Small Things, December 7, 2011

Today's the first day it's really feeling like Christmas is coming. Love this time of year...

1. Really slow work week for me...took advantage of that fact and spent the day at my mom's sewing receiving blankets for the babies (we have a few more to do...will post pictures when we're done). They're turing out so cute and things go so fast with my mom and I working together. Plus whenever I use the blankets, I can think back to the day we made them together and how lovely it was...

2. About to head home to meet my husband for dinner, but as I sit here typing the sky is tinged light pink from the sunset, my parent's Christmas tree is in front of me sparkling with multi-colored lights, my mom is playing the most lovely melody on the piano...it's so beautiful...all's right with the world...

3. When I have lunch at my parents' (once a week or so) we almost always play a game called Upwords (like Scrabble, but 3D). My parents play against each other every day and are really, really good. But today I won for the first time! Yay! :)

4. We're having a co-ed baby shower over in Denver in the New Year. My dad originally scoffed at the idea of attending a baby shower ("Never been to one, see no reason to start now."), but today he said he'd come, which makes me sooooooo happy.

5. Our younger dog, Newton, broke his toenail a week or so ago. Last weekend, my husband and I took him to the dog park where the little pond they have full in the summer was dried up...except they had pushed all the silt that had accumulated to one side, and wouldn't you know it, both our dogs ran into the chest deep mud and muck. It was worth the pain of having to clean them just for how funny it was to watch them try to extract themselves...it was like they were stuck in quicksand...I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. But Newton's foot got infected, which prompted a trip today to the nicest vet ever (Dr. Bob's his name, big, burly ex-football player and mostly a horse doctor but he sees dogs now and again). Anyway, I'm just grateful it's nothing a few antibiotics won't cure, you know?

XOXO

Image Credit: HikingArtist.com.

Grace in Small Things, October 13, 2011

1. It was a few weeks ago I went camping with my family near Marshall Pass (south central Colorado), but just getting around to looking at the pictures today, and so thankful I was able to go on that trip. I've camped with my husband and my brother and my mom and my dad separately over recent years, but it's been since my brother and I were kids that we all camped together. The pictures above is of some of the aspens. Love fall out here... Here are a few more pics from that weekend:

 

2. Today was the first day I ran into someone I hadn't seen for months and she said, "Oh, you're pregnant, how wonderful!" without me having to tell her about it. I really am starting to show...it's so cool! :)

3. My husband and I had a big weekend last weekend kind of in celebration of our anniversary, but on the actual day yesterday, we did very little. It's nice not to have to feel like you need to make a big production out of something just because it is "the day." We were both so tired and I've been working hard this week and he's got papers due for school...I know this sounds lame but it really was sweet just to go out for a very low-key BBQ dinner and cuddle up at home 

4. I DID get a beautiful red purse as an anniversary gift from my husband. We're doing the traditional gifts, and this year (3rd anniversary) is leather. Love my gift and it's a classic design that will last for years...love that I'll be able to use the purse for a long time and always get to think, "This is what my sweet husband gave me for our anniversary"

5. Yoga and a massage in the same day...I am a happy girl :)

XOXO

Baby's/Babies' First Camping Trip :)

Hi Everyone!

Today I thought I'd share a few pictures from my camping trip this past weekend!

My brother and I met in Seargent, CO, which is off Highway 50 at the Western base of Monarch Pass. This is a great halfway meeting point for the two of us. We went up a dirt road towards Marshall Pass and found this great campsite in the National Forest. There was no one around, which was great, and a stream right across the road for our dogs (left, and the road was essentially untraveled, so no problem letting the dogs run loose).

Usually when I meet my brother to camp we hike and/or hit the hot springs during the day/evening, but right now I'm not allowed to do either of those things, so my brother brought his dirt bike and went riding (right) while I took a super easy walk, read and napped.

So my preferred mode of camping is backpacking, but I'm no snob about car camping (I'm always just happy to get out in the wilderness!), and camping with my brother's pop-up camper (top picture, in the background)) is the best thing ever when you're pregnant (and I imagine it's going to be awesome with babies/young children, too.) By the way, that's our new family-sized Jeep in the foreground (last time I was pregnant my husband had us trade in my 2-door for a 4-door.)

Lots of cows this trip (bottom picture; it's an open range up there). Noisy cows. And my littlest boxer rolled in cow poop the minute we got there...yuck! He and the rest of the dogs slept in the bed of my brother's pickup, instead of in the camper like they usually do.

Gorgeous sunset as seen from our camp (top), and of course a campfire (bottom)...love, love, love having campfires.

We're planning on going back in the fall when the aspen are turning...to a little spot we discovered up the road in this huge aspen grove...should be amazing.

Hope everyone's week is going well.

XOXO

House Rules

I came across these House Rules over the weekend, written and designed by Martina of My Mid-Centruy Modern Life just prior to the arrival of her little foster daughter. Love, love, love...hope you all enjoy, as well.

XO

E 1/2 Road Farmer's Market

My mom lives just a little ways away from me (which is sooooo awesome), and she has the most AMAZING organic garden every summer. She's really generous about sharing her flowers and produce; we jokingly call it the "E 1/2 Road Farmer's Market." (The way roads are named around here is crazy...have you ever seen letters with fractions?)

A couple pictures from the garden tour my mom took me on this morning...squash blossoms and ladybug love...

XO

Southeastern Utah, June 2011

Hi Everyone!

Today I thought I'd post a few pictures of the trip I went on with my dad a week or so ago. We were just gone for four days, as I had to be back for medical stuff, but it was wonderfully relaxing!

The pictures above are from the first day. Top: Sego Canyon pertroglyphs, just outside the town of Thompson Springs, Utah. These images were made by Indians a long time ago (hundreds of years ago? Thousands?). I'd never seen petroglyphs this color before. Bottom: Later we went to Canyonlands National Park outside of Moab, Utah (got the new Jeep out in its' natural habitat).

That night we had dinner at Milt's Stop and Eat. Really cool old diner (actually old, not new trying to look old), and best hamburger I've had in a long time. 

The next day we went south from Moab, to Natural Bridges National Monument, where we did an incredibly long and tiring hike (top). On the way there we saw Newspaper Rock (more petroglyphs; bottom).

That night we had hamburgers again in Blanding, Utah at the Patio Drive-in. My dad said to the cook, "That's the best hamburger I've had in a long time. It's even better than Milt's up in Moab." And the cook laughed and said with a smile, "Well, I KNOW that."

This night and the next we stayed at one of my favorite places in the world, Recapture Lodge, in Bluff, Utah. It's not fancy, but it's so laid back and it's right on the river and everyone there is soooooo nice (lots of European tourists). And there's noting better than their hot tub under the stars after a long day of hiking...

Day 3 clockwise from top: (1) One of the bridges in Natural Bridges National Monument. If you ever get a chance to go, I would highly recommend it...lots of great (though somewhat tough) hiking and the rock bridges are amazing. (2) Anasazi (Indian) ruins in the rock cliffs at Natural Bridges. (3) Valley of the Gods. This is a drive you can do not far from Monument Valley, with the same type of incredible rock monoliths, minus the busloads of tourists. I'd never been here and it was amazing. (4) My dad hiking outside of Bluff. This was one of the first things we did this day...we were in search of a place called Monarch Cave, but ended up on these enormous slabs of rock above it. Still an awesome hike.

And then the last day, before heading home, we went to Hovenweep National Monument, which has incredible Pueblo Indian ruins. Had always wanted to come here and it did not disappoint.

Would highly recommend a trip like this to anyone who's interested...we had the best time.

XO

The Annual Father/Daughter Trip: A History

Here's my dad and I on the top of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. A couple years ago we hiked from the South Rim to the canyon floor up the other side and then back. About 50 miles round trip. Absolutely incredible...this is something I'll definitely be doing again.So since 2001 my dad and I have done a trip together almost every year...just the two of us. It's always one of the highlights of my year.

Where we've been:

• 2001: Reno, NV
• 2003: Utah and Arizona and Las Vegas
• 2004: Jeeping in the Colorado mountains (this is the trip where I learned how to take my Wrangler off-road. We did some incredibly hard stuff, and my dad made me drive the whole way. Even though I was scared. Even though HE was scared (there was one portion of the trail with a huge drop-off on his side where he got out and walked)
• 2005: We were supposed to go to Seattle together, but my brother/his son had just died, and I couldn't fathom traveling
• 2006: North Carolina Outer Banks
• 2007: Washington's Olympic National Park, Victoria, BC, San Juan Islands
• 2008: Jackson Hole and Yosemite (it snowed like crazy this trip, even though it was early June)
• 2009: Backpacking in the Grand Canyon
• 2010: Memphis and Mississippi (I was initially sceptical of how much fun we could have there, but this ended up being one of my favorite trips)

And this year, it's four glorious days hiking in Utah, starting tomorrow. I've just had a couple brutal work weeks and I cannot tell you how excited I am to be getting out into the desert with no phone, no computer, no obligations...just a girl and her dad hanging out and having a good time.

Back Tuesday. Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend! :)

XO

Hiking in Moab, UT

Happy Monday, Everyone!

Today I wanted to share a few pictures from Moab, UT, where my parents and I went hiking on Friday. Friday was the anniversary of my brother's death, and has traditionally been a really tough day for me (although this year it wasn't too bad...a few days before was much worse.)

Anyway, I don't know what to do with painful days except to try to go and make some good memories with the people you love who are still alive, so off to Moab we went.

First was Arches National Park, which I've been to a number of time. I think Delicate Arch is one of the most beautiful things on the planet, so we went there.

Photos, clockwise from left: My parents on the trail up to Delicate Arch; a cool old, old, old tree on the side of the trail, Delicate Arch with me (tiny, tiny) at the base.

After Delicate Arch, we got lunch in Moab at the Moab Diner. There was a car show in town (actually starting Saturday), but I got a few pictures of cars on the street. Love the colors on old cars, and their logos...kind of along the same lines as my obsession with old hotel signs.

And then in the afternoon, we went hiking again just outside of Moab in Negro Bill's Canyon,  where I'd never been. There's a beautiful stream that runs through, which is unusual in this part of the world. And at the end of the trail is this unbelievable arch...it's hard to show in pictures...imagine a huge arching rainbow overhead.

Photos, clockwise from left: Me at the base of the arch (and source of the stream); the stream meandering through the canyon; the arch from below.

All in all a lovely day.

Hope everyone's week is fabulous!

XO

A Letter to My Brother, Six Years After His Death

How cool is it when your brother's in the band? A picture from one of his many shows...

Dear Luke,

Six years. In some ways it seems like yesterday, in others, that life I had with you seems so far in the past it’s almost as if it never happened. I hope you’re OK and that this hasn’t been as horrible and traumatic for you as it’s been for me.

Would you be surprised by the life I’m living? I had to leave our house in Santa Barbara, and all of California, behind. There just wasn’t the joy there without you. I never really surfed again after you died, which has been such a huge loss (although I brought three of the surfboards with me when I left, including the one with the panther on the nose that was yours but you always let me ride)…I’ve never been happier than early mornings in the surf with you. Once I stopped surfing, there wasn’t a good reason to stay. And I was seeing my now-husband (he had been working your old job up in Alaska, which is how we met)…he had moved to Seattle and I was so sad and lonely in the house you and I had shared…I thought maybe it would be better to go. I made the right decision to go be with my husband, but I’m still not sure if leaving California was the right thing. It’s hard to know if I miss IT, or I miss the life I had there that no longer exists. Would I be happy going back? I don’t know.

I lived in Seattle with my soon-to-be husband for six months…but it was winter and so grey and I was so sad…my husband thought I might do better closer to mom and dad, and so that’s how we ended up back in Colorado.

I’m married now, as you can tell. I work a lot less. I have your dog Dexter…I think he still misses you. I snowboard instead of surf (and sometimes when I’m out alone I sit on the side of a run and cry, I want you there with me so bad.)

My husband’s great…you would love him. We’re trying to have a baby, but that’s not going so well. I keep thinking a birth, some life, some pure joy would help me not to hurt so bad from your death and the loss of that whole happy life as a California surfer girl…I mean, I want to have a baby for so many more reasons than that, but I can’t help thinking having something happy to share with people instead of being the one who’s had to bear so many hardships…

I like to think of you in some happy and peaceful place, with a Jeep and my dog Shaye who died the year before you did, she’s hanging out on the beach while you surf the perfect waves and you don’t have to struggle anymore…you don’t have to deal with all the heartbreak you dealt with in this life, all the trying to figure things out and how are you going to find a girl to love and are you going to be an architect or stay the free spirit who can’t resist heading up to Alaska every time spring comes around. You don’t have to deal with disappointments and you don’t have to be sad when people you love die and you get to be the golden 27-year-old who did exactly what he wanted to do with this life—you’ll be that man forever.

I felt for a long time that when you died, I died too. I don’t feel that way anymore. There’s my husband now, and mom and dad and our brother, and I have such amazing friends and I’m trying to figure out something good to do with all the many years I probably have left. I do know life will never be the same without you. I’m glad it was you and not me, that you haven’t had to go through what we all have since you died (although I’m sure you would have done it with much more grace and poise than I). I’m not afraid to die, because it means I’ll get to be with you.

I love you, and please come visit me like you visit other people. I haven’t had a single sign that you’re in some way still here.

With love beyond measure,

Kristen